Page 41 of When Forever Stays

Her lips turn down into a little frown. She knows I’m right.

“I didn’t need my big sister to come fight this battle for me,” I add.

“I wouldn’t have come here to fight this battleforyou. I would have come back so you knew I was in your corner.”

Her thoughtfulness brings a tear to my eye that I brush away. “Please don’t hold that against me. I wanted you to enjoy your honeymoon without needing to worry about me. And I’m perfectly good.”

Olivia scoffs. “Right.” She makes an up-and-down motion, referring to the hair I haven’t washed or brushed in a week pulled into a messy bun, my baggy sweatpants, and ripped T-shirt. “If this is perfectly good, I’m afraid to witness what not ‘perfectly good’ is.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Listen–”

Olivia cuts me off. “When was the last time you really read and studied your Bible?” she asks. It’s a question I posed to her when she abandoned West after their reunion. Just like when I asked her, there’s no judgment in her tone, only concern.

“I opened it a couple of days ago,” I answer.

After the storm passed and Rosa left, I opened my Bible like Rosa suggested—like I knew I needed to. But the words blurred together, and there was no way I could read it, let alone study it. None of the peace I used to have in the Word washed over me. Everything inside me curled into a ball of confused emotion.

“I didn’t ask the last time you opened it. I asked the last time you read and studied it. You used to spend countless hours in God’s Word.”

Shrugging, I say, “I needed to read it to create studies and videos. It was my job.” I practically choke on the words. That was neverwhyI read my Bible. It was just a bonus to be able to sharethat passion with others. Originally. But recently? Well, recently, it’s been a whole other story.

“Wasyour job?” Olivia asks incredulously.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I grit my teeth. “A girl who can barely read the Bible has no business making a profit talking about studying the Bible. It’d make me a fraud. If I go through the motions just to make an income…that’s not me. I want my videos to draw people to Christ, and to do that, my faith needs to be solid.”

“What they come for is your passion for the Word.” She visibly swallows. “Your passion for Jesus.”

“That passion is dormant right now.” My stomach clenches violently at the vocal admission.

Olivia doesn’t hide her surprise at my statement but then narrows her eyes before standing. She goes into my house and rustles around for a minute then comes out holding my Bible and a cup of pens and highlighters. Carefully, she places them on the table next to me.

“Give me back my sister. Stop making excuses. All your answers are in there.” She points to the closed Bible, echoing Rosa’s words. Words I know are true but am finding it difficult to follow.

I stare at her but say nothing.

She grabs her purse and slings it over her shoulder before leaving me alone with my thoughts and the Bible I desperately need to get back into. Her car starts, and I hear the crunch of gravel. After confirming she’s gone, I push my Bible away.

SIXTEEN

RHETT

Since I hit rock bottom several weeks ago, my truck has been fixed but my relationship with Dana has remained broken. I’ve managed to talk to Rosa on several occasions, but she’s only told me “Give her time” every time I’ve asked about Dana.

I see Dana at church each Sunday, but she always finds a way to avoid me.

I’ve tried calling her I don’t know how many times, but she never answers. As each day passes, I grow more hopeless and it becomes harder to breathe. My only relief comes from reading my Bible, spending time with the Woodhouses, and going to church with them.

But my relationship with Dana isn’t the only one that’s failing. There’s nothing new from Oscar. He’s just as closed off as ever. It’s becoming more difficult to stay positive when my son refuses to forgive me for not being a part of his life before now.

I regret ignoring Ashley’s calls back then. Instead of thinking she was calling about something important, I assumed she was another delusional fan who thought I’d change my philanderingways for her just because we spent a few nights together. I feel sick at the thought of who I once was. Irritated that I didn’t just take one of her calls.

How different would my life be? Or Oscar’s? Would he be better off? Or hate me more for the selfish man I was back then?

Our first meeting would have been when he was an infant. Instead, I met my son when he was sixteen and in need of a life-saving transplant. I remember the day we left the hospital after his surgery. It had been only a few days since I vanished from Amber Island and left Dana behind, but it felt like my time with her was a lifetime before. My thoughts couldn’t drift to her or what could have been. I had to focus on Oscar’s health. On my own recovery. Our medical team told us there was still a chance for complications, the big one being a rejection of the organ. But we were physically in a good place, so it was finally the right time for Ashley to give me some answers.

She invited me over to their house so Oscar and I could connect. But the moment we stepped through the door, Oscar went straight to his room.

“Why didn’t you tell me about my son?” I asked once Oscar was out of earshot.

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