Page 49 of When Forever Stays

“Are you okay?” Olivia asks, reading me like an open book.

I nod and dab my eyes. “Yeah, I think so.”

She leans forward and whispers in my ear. “Are those good tears or bad tears?”

I release a chuckle. “A mixture of both.”

When Olivia sees my smile, the sympathy in her expression turns to relief. “Glad to hear it.”

Once the remaining small groups are back in the sanctuary, Rhett sings the hymn he was humming. His eyes are closed, as if he’s imagining the scene portrayed in the hymn before him. He pours emotion into each note as though he’s become one with the words and melody. Tears fill my eyes. It feels like this song created over a hundred years ago was written for his voice.

The music fades, and our gazes lock when he looks up. I give him a soft but genuine smile before Pastor Dillon closes us in prayer.

After we’re all dismissed, Gracie links her arm in mine and pulls me to the lobby. “Please tell me you and Rhett are getting back together. We’ll be the envy of the youth group if our leader starts dating the guitarist and singer who also happens to be a world-famous rockstar!” She squeals the last part.

“Girls,” Olivia scolds. “What Dana chooses to do when it comes to Rhett is no one’s business but her own.”

“It’s fine, Liv. Honest,” I say.

“Have you forgiven him?” Emma asks. Her expression is hopeful, as if my answer will determine her own decision with Mille.

“Almost,” I answer honestly.

Tonight has convicted me to my core, but there’s still more I need to work through. The desire to pour my heart out to God through a secret creative outlet overwhelms me. An outlet not even my sister knows about.

After saying my goodbyes, I sneak down the hall and slip into the room I pray brings me freedom.

NINETEEN

RHETT

Emotions like I’ve never felt before thrummed through me as I played on stage, only intensified by Dana’s presence in the pews. She loved my music and my voice when I played in Phantom Echoes, but seeing her experience it as I played live gave me a swell of pride. Pride that I quickly felt convicted of. I wasn’t playing for her; I was playing for Christ, and I prayed in those moments that God would help me focus on Him over Dana. Thankfully God quickly answered my prayer. Sure, my gaze kept drifting to her, but I was no longer playing to impress her.

Our time apart has done nothing but increase my desire for her. I see how she interacts with her teenage girls at youth group. How she greets the people at church and gives them her full attention. Even through the windows of the café, I see how she smiles at customers in a way that forces even the grumpiest people to smile in return. Witnessing those small moments only makes me miss her more. But I’ve held back from approaching her. According to Rosa, Dana still needs time. Even though it’s hard, I will continue to respect that.

But whether she wants to admit it or not, what we have will never go away. It all started before I even knew she existed. This all started with Phantom Echoes.

The same Phantom Echoes that fell from fame in a flash. In a single night, my world crumbled. Memories of that night still play on repeat each time I pick up a guitar. They greet me in my dreams, morphing them into the nightmare I experience almost every night. It’s been years since I witnessed a woman’s death, yet the memory never fades. Even when amnesia clouded everything else, her face, her actions still haunted me. Just like they did while I recorded my song for Oscar. But the more I play—not for myself, but for Christ—the less the memories sting. God is healing me through each of those moments.

My life pre-Christ was a mess. If I didn’t come to Christ when I did, I don’t know where I’d be. And just like the comfort I received after making Jesus Lord of my life, the stepping out in obedience I took after picking back up a guitar has been a balm to my fractured soul.

Playing and singing felt so good tonight that I can’t help but make my way back to the music room to play some more.

Before I reach for the door handle, I hear someone inside singing. A woman’s voice fills the room; it’s beautiful, but her tone is full of heartbreak. I don’t recognize the song and the melody is slightly off, but I could listen to her for hours.

Leaning against the wall, I close my eyes and allow the somehow familiar voice and lyrics to wash over me.

“I know what I do is wrong

I know it’s not right

Lord, please take this sin away

and make me feel all right

I never meant to hurt You

when I turned my back away

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