Page 52 of When Forever Stays

In so many of my videos on social media, I remind my audience that God has the final say and that He is ultimately in control. Before this past Wednesday, I was not walking my talk. All of it was lip service. Dillon’s message, Emma’s admission, pouring out my heart in song, and my small chat with Rhett brought me to my knees. Literally. The moment I stepped on my porch, I dropped to my knees and begged God to forgive me for my unforgiveness and to help me release my grudge to Him. God reminded me that I am not perfect and have been forgiven for so much more than Rhett asked my forgiveness for.

After finally giving it all up, then the floodgates opened. I highlighted verses, scribbled in the margins, and absorbed the words like a sponge. It rejuvenated my starving soul. It was exactly what I needed and had been deprived of.

For days, I’ve sat, read, and studied. I’d love to record it and share it online since I haven’t posted a new video in weeks, but this time in the Word isn’t about being a “Christian influencer;” it’s about me, Jesus, and using my dry season to create a lesson for the youth weekend. It’s going to be different than what I originally planned on sharing, but doesn’t God usually work that way? Outside of our expectations?

I took Sunday off to go to church and spend time in fellowship with Rosa, Crew, West, and Olivia. But this morning, I got up and went straight to working on the retreat.

So here I am in my office, doing what I love once more. My coffee sits beside me, and I sit with my legs crossed on my overstuffed office chair while I scribble down what feels like endless notes and ideas for the upcoming girls’ retreat. The excitement I originally had when Mrs. Woodhouse asked me to teach is back with even more intensity. I bite my lip as more and more comes to me, as God allows my mind and heart to absorb His Word and for me to apply it to my life and these lessons.

After another hour, my hands cramp up and I decide to take a break. Just as I stretch my legs out from under me, my doorbell rings.

My breath whooshes out of me the moment I open my door.

“If you’re still upset with me, I’d understand,” Rhett says as he extends a bouquet of sunflowers. “But I can’t go another day without seeing you and talking to you.”

I cross my arms over my chest, a pathetic attempt at protecting my heart. Yes, I have forgiven Rhett, but my emotions are still raw. I’ve remained silent, and he’s continued to give me the space I asked for. I needed the last few days of study, reflection, and prayer to heal not just from Rhett’s lies but from the grudge that I held onto with a vice-like grip.

I’ve prayed that God would show me when it was time to move forward with Rhett and He would allow me to be vulnerable with Rhett again. Something stirs inside of me, telling me that the time is now.

“Hey,” I say. “It’s a bit early to be groveling, don’t you think?”

Rhett closes his eyes before he can see my smile. The pretty bouquet of flowers falls to his side but is still held firmly in his grip.

“I’m sorry,” he says in a whisper. He hangs his head but lifts the sunflowers toward me.

This time, I take them. “Thanks. I’ll be right back.” With that, I go into my house, fill a vase with water, and set the bouquet on my kitchen table.

Rhett remains at the entrance, as if he’s afraid to enter without being invited.

“Oh, you’re still here?” I ask nonchalantly as I head back to the door and lean against the frame. I fight back a smile.

His smirk is roguish and unfairly attractive as he looks at me, seeing right through my act. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Who said I wanted to get rid of you?”

He lifts both dark eyebrows. “If you not inviting me in was any indication…”

I step out on the porch and close the door behind me.

There’s no more teasing glint in Rhett’s eyes. “I told you that I’d never give up on us. But that’s not true.”

My heart sinks. This felt like a really solid step in the right direction. Maybe I wore out my chances and he’s given up on me, and he’s giving me the flowers as a goodbye. It wouldn’t be the first time a man gave up on me.

He must read my expression because he quickly explains. “I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want.” He pauses, then carefully adds, “Or into something you’re not ready for.”

“And what do you think I may not be ready for?”

His dark eyes bore into mine. “The plans I want for us are not short term. I’m serious about you. More serious than I’ve ever been about anyone else. But you’re twenty-four and maybe you don’t want to settle down yet. If that’s the case, and you still want me, I’ll wait for you.”

My belly fills with butterflies, and I place a hand on my stomach to both calm them and ground me.

His Adam’s apple bobs and he closes his eyes. When he reopens them, there’s a vulnerability in them I’ve never seen before. “I was an idiot to not say goodbye and an idiot for not being honest about who I am…or was. If I could turn back time, I’d have told you from the start. I never would have left without explanation. You would have known exactly why I was leaving but would have been confident that I’d come back to you the moment I could.”

I knew he was sorry before, and this not only confirms it but it also tells me he wants more with me. More than bachelors one through three post ghosting-Rhett did. It didn’t work out with them because this whole time it’s been Rhett. I just needed to remain patient and trust that God had me and my future securely in His hands.

A gentle breeze sweeps through my porch, bringing hints of salt and sandalwood with it, rustling Rhett’s hair. He runs his hands through it and turns away from me but not before I see the look of uncertainty on his face.

He walks over to the side of the porch, planting his hands on the railing, then says, “The first time I met you it was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after being confined in an oxygen-free cell of my own making. You were light and sweet with just the right kick of sass. In those first few moments, I knew you were someone special.” His back muscles tense, and I have to fight the urge to go and wrap my arms around him.

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