“Things could be so different if you would have known. You’d have a relationship with your son. He’d have a dad to talk to when he gets mad at me.” I can hear the strain in her voice.
“That part is on me. It was wrong of me to ignore your calls. I don’t blame you for giving up.”
She sighs.
“Besides, there’s no guarantee the relationship I’d have with him would be a good one. But I hope we can eventually build a good one.” I run my free hand down my scruff. I’m a different personnow; surely, he will realize that at some point. “He hasn’t said anything about wanting to see me again, has he?”
“Not exactly. He did say you left something for him.” She laughs. “He had no idea what a jump drive was, so once I explained how it worked, I grabbed him my old computer and he told me he would listen to it.”
My chest tightens. “Did he?” I glance across the parking lot, looking at the sunset in an attempt to ground myself and calm my racing pulse.
“I don’t know. But what was it?”
Pushing off the wall, I pace back and forth, trying to decide if I should tell her or not. It was something I wrote and recorded just for him. Will it take anything away from it if she knows? Probably not.
“If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to,” she says after a long pause.
“I’d just like for it to be something between him and me for right now.”
“I understand,” she says. There’s another long pause before she adds, “I’m worried about him.”
“Me too, but it will be okay. I can come back for a while if you think it would help?” The mere thought makes my chest squeeze.
She’s quick to answer. “No. I mean, no offense, but he’s struggling to accept you as his dad. I think distance will help.”
That heavy feeling spreads to my gut. The time I spent with them feels pointless when at the end of it, it was clear he wanted nothing to do with me. And apparently still doesn’t.
“Oh,” is all I say.
She releases an exasperated sigh. “I’m sorry. This is all messed up. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”
“Stop,” I say. “I want to know these things. I want to help in any way I can. I missed the first fifteen years of his life. If I can help with the next fifteen, I want to. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, but I still want to know what’s going on with my kid. So if there’s problems, please tell me. I’ll be there as soon as I can if you need me.”
“Thanks, Rhett, we’re fine right now. I just needed someone to talk to. Thanks for being there.”
“Of course.”
I hang up, and when I turn around, I find Crew right behind me, his arms crossed over his chest. I’m sure Dana has told him by now that I have a son. But I don’t know how much of this conversation he heard or how he’ll interpret it.
“That was my kid’s mom.”
“I figured. How old is he?”
“Sixteen.”
“Fun age,” he says dryly.
“Attitude for days. Hates his dad.”
“He’s probably just hurting. You’re good at that, aren’t you? Hurting people.”
Tucking my phone in my pocket, I say, “Unfortunately, I am. I’m a messed up man with a screwed up past that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I’ve made countless mistakes over the years,and I’ve been trying to make up for those mistakes. Especially with my kid.”
“You leaving again? Without saying goodbye?”
“Look, I don’t know what all you heard from that conversation, but my son wants nothing to do with me. So I’m not going to just show up at his door. I know Dana is your cousin and a close friend of yours so you’re protective of her, but I am not going to make the same mistake I made with her last time. If something happens and I need to go back to Oscar and Ashley, I’ll let Dana know.” The look on his face has me bristling, so I take a step forward. “And I’ll make sure she knows I’ll be coming back.”
A smile tilts up one side of his lips. For the first time since meeting him, he gives me a genuine smile. “Good. Now get back in there so I can kick your butt at pool.”