Page 103 of Ride Me Cowboy

“That’s not what we are, and that’s not your fault. This is me, Beth. It’s the way I am. The way I’ll always be.” I say it with finality, hoping it gets through to me—and to her. Apparently, it does, because a moment later, Beth is nodding, and sliding sideways on the bench, dislodging the hand I hadn’t even realized I was pressing against her thigh.

“Okay,” she jumps down in a way that makes my body tighten and yearn, that makes my heart twist because it’s over. I’ll never reach for her again, and touch her, because she’s my girl. I’ll never have a whole long day to get through knowing that no matter how tired I am, no matter how stressed by the ranch’s finances, none of that will matter when I can finally get her alone, beneath the blanket of stars. Just her and me. “I’ll go pack my bag.”

The reality really hits me then. I watch her leave, even when every muscle in my body is trying to galvanize me to action,telling me to run after her. I don’t. Not only is this for the best, it’s what’s right for Beth. I’ve lost her, but at least I know I’m setting her free for a reason.

She’ll move on, forget about me, and the next guy she’s with will be able to open himself up to really being with her. The next guy will be able to let her love him, and admit his love right back, without feeling like it’s lighting a match that will set the world on fire. The next guy won’t be such a goddamned coward.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Cole

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, she’s gone?” Mackenzie asks, staring at me with obvious accusation. “What the hell’d you do to her?”

“Nothing. And frankly, I’m not in the mood to be interrogated by you. Or anyone,” I add, looking around the kitchen, where Austin, Caleb, Nash and Cassidy are all looking at me like they’ve never seen me before.

“Was this her choice, or yours?” Caleb asks, ignoring me, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It was the right thing.”

“You say that like you’re putting a lame horse out of its misery,” Cassidy mutters. “This is a woman’s life. Did you seriously just ask her to leave?”

I straighten my spine, looking at my siblings, at Mack and Caleb who are as good as, and grind my teeth. “It’s none of your damn business.”

“You’re not the only one who liked her,” Mack contradicts. “She was one of us, and you’ve just thrown her out?”

I open my mouth to fire back some acerbic remark but Mack—who usually looks like she could go head-to-head with the maddest bull there is—seems as though she might be about to cry. I set my jaw. “I said that if she wanted to go, she could,” I mutter, ignoring the huge hole in my gut. “I didn’t want her to feel obligated to stay.”

“You think seeing her sister-in-law again made her want to leave?” Cassidy asks, frowning a little. “Was she homesick?”

What if I realized that the place I ran away to, thinking it might just be somewhere safe to lick my wounds, actually turned out to be the missing piece of me?

I close my eyes quickly to blot out Beth’s voice, and the ache her words bring me. The swirling sense of regret and resentment, of fear that I’ve done something really fucking stupid. Even when I know it was the right thing, for both of us.

“Is that it?” Mack asks, frowning though, like she doesn’t buy it. “Because she seemed pretty happy to me. At least, she did until that woman arrived.”

“It’s complicated, like I said.”

“What’s complicated?” Cassidy pushes. “You’ve been dating, right? You like her, she likes you.”

“It’s private.”

“Nothin’ round here’s private, for long,” Nash says, as Austin reaches for a bottle of wine and starts to pour some glasses. The smell of dinner fills the kitchen but none of us makes a move to pull it from the oven.

“Shows what you know,” I mutter, then wish I hadn’t, because I don’t want to talk about the ranch, and the mess dad left us in.

“Keeping secrets, big brother?” Cassidy asks, reaching for one of the glasses of wine and taking a sip.

“How ‘bout we eat.”

“How ‘bout we have this out,” Caleb contradicts. “Mack’s right. You’re not the only one who got used to having her around.”

“It was a three-month contract. We all knew that going in.”

“And she should still be here a few more weeks,” Caleb says.

“And you don’t know that Reagan will definitely want to come back,” Cassidy points out. “I know she did after the first kid, but this one might be different.”

Tension locks my jaw in place. “Beth’s long gone. Any discussion is pointless.”

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