Page 115 of Ride Me Cowboy

The thing is, I came out here because of Beth. Because no matter what she says now, back then, she was courageous in a way I wasn’t. And nothing changes that. I still have to be brave, likeshe was. She deserves to know howIfeel, even if she doesn’t feel the same. Even if it doesn’t change anything.

Which it won’t.

I fully expect the shoe to be on the other foot now. For her to tell me she’s sorry, she just doesn’t feel that way. That’s not why I want to tell her. It’s just something I think she deserves to know. It’s something that Beth and Cole, as we were on the ranch, deserve.

I start to run, dodging people best I can, until I reach an intersection. She’s veered off, down a side street. It’s less busy, so I spot her easily. I see her stop walking, and move toward a building. Rest her back against it, and drop her head. I see her shoulders sag, and start to move, like she’s crying.

Oh, shit. Sheiscrying. I run until I’m standing in front of her, staring at her. She glances up at me and there’s sheer panic on her face, like I’m the last person she expects to see.

She’s not okay.

She’s not okay.

Maybe she was until I got here, or maybe she wasn’t. I don’t know. But I need to do this, and see where the chips fall.

“I didn’t come here to give you back some stupid hat,” I mutter. “I messed up, Beth, and I think you know why. I think you understand what held me back. But there is no excuse that can justify hurting you. You are the woman I love. The only woman I’ve ever loved, and will ever love.”

She keeps sobbing. I grab her face in my hands.

“You are everything to me, and without you, by my side, on the ranch, in my life, it’s like the lights have all been turned off. The world has no color. I came here to tell you that. Because no matter what happens with us, you should know that all the time you thought you were falling in love with me, I was falling in love with you.”

She shakes her head, like she doesn’t believe me.

“The harder I fell, the more I wanted to push you away, the more I clung to the fact you were leaving, but that’s only because I felt like my survival was all bound up in that.” I swipe my thumb over her tears. “I was stupid. And wrong. Turns out, my life is bound up in you. Whether you want that or not, I at least wanted you to know.”

And then, belatedly realizing that I’m touching a woman who’s just told me she doesn’t love me, that could be crying because of her ex, for all I know, I take a quick step back, almost knocking over a guy in a suit. I lift my hand in silent apology before turning back to Beth, who’s just slumped against the building, staring at me.

“I know this is a lot,” I grimace. “But I’m here two nights. If you wanna talk, or even just catch up, you have my number.” I want to kiss her. I want to hug her. To do something.

But I reckon I’ve done just about enough to this girl; now it’s up to her.

I offer a smile before I turn to leave, half expecting her to follow after me. She doesn’t.

At least, not until I reach the next corner. And then, I only know she’s there when she says, “Are you seriously just going to walk off on me?”

Chapter Thirty-Two

Beth

I’M OPERATING ON INSTINCT now. No forethought, no planning, just intuition. It pushed me to go after Cole, and now I’m staring up at him, my body flooded with feelings, my mind exploding like a fireworks display.

“I—what do you mean?”

“I mean, do you think you can just say all that then walk away?”

He frowns, clearly not following. “I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“It’s not pressuring me to allow me a few seconds to digest something like that.”

His expression changes; I see hope in his eyes. I recognize it instantly, and it makes warmth flood through me.

“So, let me get this straight,” I say. “You’re saying you’re in love with me.”

“I’m saying I love you so damn much, the last three weeks have been like torture. I’m saying I’ve been falling in love with you since that first day. That you are unique and wonderful, and I want nothing more than for you to come home with me.”

My heart leaps. My eyes burn. I look away, mouth moving quickly.

“You belong there. Not just with me, but with us. I will never be able to explain how much I regret letting you go. No, making you go.” He curses then, and I can tell how tormented he is by that day in the kitchen. “You are my goddamn everything, Beth. My everything.”

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