Page 26 of Ride Me Cowboy

I did the right thing that night. God knows I wanted to kiss her back. Hell, I wanted to do a damn sight more than kiss her. I wanted to buck that girl halfway to Sunday, but I’ve never takenadvantage of a woman who’s been drinking. Does she have any idea what it took to walk away from her, when she was looking at me with those enormous eyes, her lips all sultry and pink, parted like she was begging me to jam my tongue down her throat? Hell, shewasbegging me, and I still walked away.

And then next morning, when I could see she wanted to disappear into the walls of the office, I let her clean off the hook, told her I knew it didn’t mean anything, made it sound like women made a habit of throwing themselves at my feet. And once upon a time they did, but it’s been a long time since the message got through that I’m not interested in seeing anyone. Not more than a casual thing, anyway, and even then, not if it takes my attention away from the ranch.

My old man used to harp on about it a fair bit, how I’d need to think about looking for the right woman one day. Finding the ‘one’, someone who’d open me up to love like mom did for him. Used to tell me I’d want kids of my own eventually, that it was the best thing in the world to see the woman you loved grow round with your child, and then to hold that baby in your arms and know that you would move heaven and earth for them if you could.

I know that’s how he felt, but I’ve never come halfway close to meeting anyone that makes me want to think about getting serious. About settling down. As for kids…forget about it.

I was only a boy when I realized that loving someone as much as I loved mom was a recipe for disaster. Losing her damn near broke me. Only, itcouldn’tbreak me, because even then, everyone was counting on me. Dad, the others. I was Cole, the oldest. The strong one. The one mom used to call her little helper. Named for my dad, I never once forgot that I was expected to follow in his footsteps, to be like him.

I’ve been doing my best to hold it all together ever since. My brothers, Cassidy, the ranch.

A woman would just get in the way of that.

Which isn’t to say I haven’t spent an annoying amount of time letting my mind wander and imagine Beth. Beneath me. Ridin’ me. Those pink lips of hers running all the way over me.

So maybe it’s a good thing she’s been making herself scarce, because if she were right under my feet, I don’t know if I’d be able to hold out from doing something about the thoughts that keep tumbling through me. At least when I don’t see her, there’s no chance of messing everything up.

I reach into my own desk drawer, pulling out a handful of unpaid bills and rifling through them, working out which ones can’t wait, which ones I can put off a little while longer.

Juggling the finances like this ain’t much fun. I hate to think of my old man doing this, while he was alive, not telling any of us how much trouble the ranch was in. And I didn’t stop and wonder why he was selling off cattle, reducing the herd size. Why he wanted to cut off a bit of land and sell it cheap to the Callahan’s next door. Mom would turn over in her grave if she knew what he was up to. At the time, he told me it was doing a friend a solid. That it was all about the Callahan’s, and because he was a living savior, I believed him. But now, I know better.

He was treading water, all the time. Doing whatever he could to keep us afloat.

Just like I’m doing.

My gaze shifts to Beth’s desk, and I wonder if she’s noticed anything. Reagan and I agreed we’d just get her running payroll,doing the taxes, and managing the bills when we can cover them. We didn’t know if we could trust her or not, and besides Reagan, no one knows what an uphill battle I’ve got to hold onto this place.

Dad wanted it private, so I’m keeping it that way. For his sake.

A movement outside catches my attention, and I glance toward the glass, frowning, as my eyes focus and recognize Beth. My body takes a microsecond to catch up, every part of me tightening to concrete levels of hard in response to justseeingher for the first time in days. She lifts a hand as I watch and tucks some blonde hair behind her ear. Beau smiles at something she’s said.

Beau.

My gut sinks to my toes.

Beau who might as well be chalk to my cheese for all we’re alike. Other than our looks, anyway. It was his mom who died too, but you’d never know it. He lost our dad a year ago, same as I did, but who could tell? We’ve been through the same stuff, yet he just sails right on by, like nothing and no one can ever phase him. He charms and laughs, always knows what to say, how to wink, to bring women to their knees.

I drop my head forward for a moment, closing my eyes, but then quickly look back to the window, because I can’tnotlook. If something’s happening between them, I should know about it. Partly because she works for us, and I can’t have her being hurt by Beau, but mostly, because if she hooks up with my brother at least that’ll get her the hell out of my head. Right?

Beth

“It’s easier than it looks.”

“It doesn’t look hard,” I tell Beau, starting to walk once more, hoping that Cole isn’t sitting in his office, just across from us, seeing this, for reasons I can’t explain. “It’s just not something I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“That’s cause you’ve never done it.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, ain’t that just a perfect catch twenty-two,” I say, imitating his cowboy drawl, earning a laugh from him. I really like Beau. He’s easy to be around. He doesn’t take himself, or the ranch, or anyone too seriously. Most of all, he doesn’t takemetoo seriously. He doesn’t look at me like he wants to know all my secrets. Sometimes I think he’s not even listening half the time.

“You mocking me there, Manhattan?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Cowboy,” I tease back, then wish I hadn’t, because in my mind, there’s only one guy I want to use that name for, and I have been assiduously avoiding him for the last few days.

“So,” he asks, conversationally, as we make our way back from the stables, where he’s been trying to convince me to get on one of the horses. “Whatcha think of our little patch out here?” he gestures to the ranch with a sweep of his hand.

I follow his gesture, my heart tripping at the beauty.

“It’s spectacular,” I say, honestly.

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