Page 99 of Ride Me Cowboy

“I know he loved you,” Elsie denies, tears streaming down her cheeks, so I instantly regret what I’ve done. “He wasobsessedwith you. If you and I went out for an event or whatever, he’d spend half the time texting me, asking me if you were having fun, telling me to send photos. Helovedyou.”

Ice seems to be trickling down my spine anew. His control over me was so extensive, and so overt. “That’s not love,” I say, my insides roiling. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to say this about Christopher. Why put it on Elsie? But why keep lying? Why keep protecting him? I’m so conflicted, I could scream, but in the end, the words just tumble out of me, like they’ve decided to make a bolt for freedom and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.

“Does that really sound like love to you, Els? Or does it sound like control?”

She stares at me, hard.

“Don’t you think it seems odd thatyouwere the only person I ever did stuff with?”

“You went places, you saw people.”

“With Christopher or you. That’s it. Other than that, I was at home, more often than not, under lock and key.”

She’s shaking. I move to her to put an arm around her waist, but she jerks away from me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Maybe he did love me, in his own way, but the only way he knew how to show that was by running my entire life. And if I did anything he didn’t like, if I upset him, or even if he’d just had a bad day…” I stare at Elsie, and suddenly, the words stop coming.

“He’d what?” she asks, voice wooden.

“He hurt me, okay?” I sob as the admission flies out of me. “Your brother hit me. He was cold, angry, easily offended. I spent the last few years of my life terrified that he’d kill me.”

“I don’t believe this. You would havetoldme if you felt that way. Hell, you’d have gone to the police.”

“I was too scared for that,” I say, shaking my head. I know how easy it is to say that, from the outside, but for where my head was at, back then, both of those were impossible to contemplate. “Your family’s rich, Els. Powerful. I thought I’d never be safe. He made me feel that way.”

“So, you’re glad he’s dead? Is that what you’re saying?”

I shake my head. Even though it’s how I feel, I can’t admit it to Elsie. “I’m glad I’m free,” I say softly, instead. “I’m sorry for you that your brother died, but…”

“Don’t.” She pulls away from me further. “You are such a piece of shit. I can’t believe I ever thought of you as a sister. Please, don’t ruin my brother’s name by telling anyone else these disgusting lies.”

She stalks the rest of the way to her car, leaving me trembling on the drive, arms wrapped around my torso, feeling like now everything out here is touched with the sadness and pain of my old life—something I’d really wanted to avoid.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Cole

BY THE TIME I reach Beth, she’s bent over at the waist, vomiting onto the ground, so all I can do is stand behind her and put my hand on her back, gently stroking until she’s done. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and then straightens. I take one look at her face before wrapping her up in a big hug, holding her tight for a good few seconds then lifting her and cradling her against my chest, carrying her into the house.

In the kitchen, I sit her on the edge of the bench, before grabbing a towel. I dampen the corners and wipe her face, which is pale and clammy, then pull a soda from the fridge and crack the top off it.

Her lips move, and I think I hear the word ‘thanks’ breathe out, but she’s obviously in shock.

I just want to tell her that everything’s okay, that she’s safe here. I want to tell her that she’llalwaysbe safe here, but everythingI believe about concepts like always and forever holds me back. I can’t offer her something I don’t really want to give, just because I feel sorry for her. Just because I like her a whole lot.

That’s not the solution.

I stand between her legs, my hands on her knees, but when she just stares past my shoulder, I take the soda and bring it to her lips. “Drink, honey. You need sugar.”

She takes a few sips, then pulls her head back, so I place the soda down and cup her cheeks. “You told her?”

She nods.

“And she didn’t believe you?”

She shakes her head.

“That’s not surprising.”

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