Page 15 of Einar

Janetallows gambling down here?

Dismissingthat thought,Inotice yet another woman on a comfy-looking couch reading a book.Alleyes turn toRubyandIthe second they notice us come through the door and my eyes fall to the floor as my posture curls in on itself.Istill can’t handle people looking at me, even if it's other women.

Menaren’t the only ones that abused me whileIwas withRobert…

Witha small wave of her hand,Janetintroduces us to the women gathered in front of us. “Everyone, this isRubyandRowan.They’llbe staying with us for a little while.They’vehad a long drive, and it’s late, so we’ll make all the introductions in the morning after they get settled.”

Morethan a few of the women greet us with a simple ‘welcome’ before resuming whatever activity they were engaged in before our arrival.Janetturns to the left and moves down a long hallway with doors on either side.Wefollow her all the way down to the end before she stops, opens one of the last doors and gestures for us to go in.

Rubyfollows her unspoken request and pulls me in after her.

Tomy pleasant surprise, the room is a lot bigger thanIexpected it to be, especially since all of this had to be carved out to the surrounding rock.PeeringaroundRuby,Isee two twin beds and a nook that appears to have a bathroom with a door one can shut for privacy.

Thinkingof my unwanted jewelry, even more relief fills me.

Idon’t wantRubyto see those.Ever.

Thesound ofJanet’svoice yanks my attention back to the here and now.

“Thiswill be yours while you’re with us.Thebathroom is stocked and there’s also a small refrigerator in the corner with drinks inside.Getsettled and some sleep.There’llbe plenty of time to figure out the rest later.”

Shedoesn’t wait for either of us to say anything, simply shuts the door behind her as she leaves.Well, she’s not very warm and inviting, butIthinkIprefer her semi-curt manner instead.Idon’t want to be coddled by a complete stranger.Tobe honest,Ihave no idea howIwould process any empathy coming from her.Icould barely handle the sympathetic compassionEdithoffered me.

Assoon asJanetpulls, the door closed behind her with a click,Rubythrows her bag on the bed to the right of the door, running her hand across the rock wall in astonishment. “WowRowan,Idon’t believeI’veever seen anything like this place.Youwould think it would smell like dirt or even be damp on the inside, but it’s not at all.Thisis sweet.”

Ihaven’t moved from where she left me.Everythingaround me feels like it’s moving too fast and in slow motion at the same time, making it hard for me to process all the changes being thrown at me.Outof my peripheral,IseeRubywalk back over to me, reaching up and gently pulling the hood of my sweatshirt off my head.Whena hand suddenly appears in front of my face,Ijerk back in an instinctive reaction.

Guiltfills me whenIsee the tears forming in my beloved sister’s eyes.

Fuck.Ijust keep ruiningeverything.

“Hey, talk to me.”

Ofcourse, her first thought is to help me and not be offended thatIjerked away like she was going tohit me.

“I’mscaredRuby.”

Self-disgust fills me with how weak my voice is.I’veallowedRobertto completely break me.

“Lordbaby girl,Iam too, but right now we’re alright, so let’s be grateful for that.Whydon’t you go grab a quick shower and change out of this old sweatshirt into something more comfortable?”

“Idon’t want to,I’mjust gonna lay down.Idon’t feel up to it right now, but you go ahead.”

It’snot a lie.

I’mexhausted and the thought of trying to navigate all mybody jewelryright now sounds like a nightmare.Rubystarts to ease me into a hug, andIfeel my body go ramrod straight.Neverslow on the uptake, she alters her plan, leaning forward to place a sweet kiss on my cheek before moving over to the bed she claimed and start digging in her bag for a change of clothes.

Stillstanding there by the door,Iwatch her grab some ratty looking old pajamas before going into the bathroom, closing the door behind her for some privacy.Thesecond the door closes, terror beats at me, andIfeel like the rock above my head is going to crush me without the indomitable force ofRuby’spersonality there to protect me.Logically,Iknow that doesn’t make any sense, butIhaven’t dealt with logic in some time.

Droppingmy bag on the floor next to my bed, making sure it’s out of the way so neither of us trip on it,Ihastily climb between the sheets, pulling the blankets up to my chin for comfort.Tomy surprise, the sheets smell sweet and fresh at the same time.Somesort of essential oil blend for anxiety is what comes to mind asIbury my face in the material and breathe deep.Theonly light in the room is what’s leaking out from under the bathroom door.Itmakes the room cozy and lessens my anxiety about the ceiling falling on me.

Outof sight, out of mind.

Irepeat that mantra over and over again untilIsee the light under the bathroom door go off before it instantly turns back on.Thebrief slice of darkness must have been too much for my sun loving sister because she opens the door to the bathroom and leaves it cracked.Softlight shines into the room, creating just enough of a glow to move around comfortably during the night.

Softfootfalls tell meRubyis headed my way, andIclose my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

Idon’t want to talk.It’sa cowardly thing to do, but it’s exactly whatI’vebecome.Acoward.

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