Page 142 of From Drummer to Gamer

A heavy pang sliced my heart.

And tears clouded my vision.

I had ruined us, hadn’t I?

I ruined the one good thing in my life.

The one man who saw me for me, saw all versions of me with nothing but fondness, studying me like I was his favorite piece of art and being my grumpy shadow.

Everything he did was for me.

Every thought he had, included me.

Every second of his day, he devoted to me.

It was then I realized that thisMatty Evans, staring back at me from my phone, was the one who had my heart, not some modelized picture of him plastered on the wall.

It was this man who held me tight at night, it was this man who wiped my tears, and it was this man who showed me the version of himself he had never shown anyone.

It was the real Matty Evans I loved.

But it didn’t matter anymore, did it?

I had broken his heart before it could even be mine.

At that instant, something from that day flooded my mind.

“You just wanted me because of the way I look? Because I’m just some celebrity you are obsessed with?”

The more I stared at his picture, the more of what he said started to make sense to me.

And then it dawned on my stupid brain.

I didn’t understand him then, but I did now.

Was that what he thought?

Was that what he was thinking right now? That I left him because I didn’t like the real version of him?

In a way, I’d done exactly what my parents had done to me.

I’d been on the receiving end of those painful blows, so I knew how much it hurt.

Was he hurting all this time, and I had done nothing about it?

A loud gasp left my lips, and my phone slipped from my hand and landed on the floor with a thud.

And so did my heart.

I leaped to my feet and dashed to my brother’s room without a second thought. The only other boy in my life who accepted me for me.

“Si, what’s….” Raphy’s eyes glinted with concern.

“Take me tohim,” I cut in frantically. “I want to see him now, please.”

His gaze softened, and he didn’t even ask who before he nodded.

It was the middle of the fucking night, but I didn’t care.

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