Instead, she was labeled too uncool and mediocre that she forced herself to become a ruthless, cutthroat, independent woman who didn’t make her happy at all.
But looking at her now, I felt proud.
Proud that I was trying to make that little girl’s dream come true.
That I was trying my best instead of giving up.
And I was proud of that, prouder than I’d ever been for any of my accomplishments.
“I want to be a mom and be the best wife to the love of my life and have lots and lots of children.” The innocent voice of little me leaked from the TV. “Oh, also knit my babies cute sweaters.”
My mom’s chiding response gets muffled by the laughter filling the room.
But Lan froze.
Even from a distance, I could feel the tension riddle his shoulders stiff. And for the next second, he stayed just like that. Like he knew the weight of that statement. Like he knew her entire life changed after that.
His eyes snapped to mine. And suddenly, it was just the two of us in the room.
My heart picked up a beat, and his gaze turned more intense. Somehow, I felt naked baring all my bones and insecurities, my strengths and weaknesses, and he could see through it all. Like his eyes were looking into the depths of my soul.
And then a second passed before his lips curved into the softest smile that caressed my skin like a warm blanket.
It felt like amid all the shadows that crowded my life.
He saw me.
My Lansaw me.
Everybody in the room thought it was adorable and innocently cute. But only Lan and I knew the words that little girl spoke were not some silly dream, but it was what she believed as her truth.
That girl in me still does.
My teeth sank into my lips a little harder than they should as I tried my hardest to make a giraffe-shaped pancake. Because Luka and I were having a day out at the zoo to figure out his favorite animal.
Lan and I dedicated one day on the weekend where we get him all to ourselves so that Luka gets a bit of us to himself. And this week it was my turn.
I spoiled him with anything he asked because who else have I got to spoil? Right when I had that thought, a heavy kick came from inside my stomach, followed by another one.
And I smiled, rubbing my belly.Of course, I’m going to spoil you both, too.
They answered with another round of kicks.
My palms splayed over my stomach and tenderness filled my heart before I could stop myself.
My babies. Growing inside my belly.
It was the weirdest sensation in the world to carry two tiny humans inside your belly while they rolled around like they were in the pro leagues.
“We are ready,” Lan announced, walking in with Luka, who was dressed adorably like he was going to the safari in his khaki shirt, matching shorts, and a red scarf around his neck.
“Oh my, has anyone seen my little Luka anywhere?” I gasped for a dramatic display, holding a hand to my chest. “I only see a grown-up man looking so fine.”
“I’m right here, Katiew,” Luka huffed, hands on his hips.
“Wait you.” I pointed a finger at him. “You can’t be my Luka.”
“But I am.” He waved his hands. “See.”