Page 3 of From Angel to Rogue

I busied myself flinging the fridge open, and the sight of leftover pizza made my stomach growl, but I shut the door before my cravings got hold of me. I had a figure to maintain. But did it really matter anymore?

There were five things I cared about more than anything in this world: my Lan, my family, my friends, food…and knitting, the latter of which no one knew about. Because the band manager, Katy, wouldn’t be caught dead knitting.

“If you’re hungry, just eat it,” Lan said in an exasperated voice.

“I’m not. I just had breakfast.” If you counted a plain black coffee as breakfast.

“Fuck, Katy,” he cursed, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m fucking tired of this.”

Every cell in my body froze as my panicked eyes flew to him. “Wh…what do you mean by that?”

His jaw clenched as he leaned over the counter. “I’ve been with you for eleven fucking years. You think I don’t know that you lie to me all the fucking time. You act like you’re busier than ever when we just cleared up all our fucking schedule. You look halfyourself, Katy. So fucking tell me what’s wrong? What the fuck is going on with you?”

A sting burned my throat, but I suppressed it with a smile. “Why would anything be wrong with me, Lan? I’m completely fine. Just tired, I guess.”

I watched as he squeezed his lids shut and let out a sigh before he slowly made his way to me.

My breath hitched and my back hit the counter when he came to a stop just a breath away from me.

Lan held my cheek in his hand, so warm and tender. “Don’t lie, for once, just don’t lie,” he whispered, his brooding eyes on mine. “You insisted we stay in LA, but you haven’t stayed more than a week here since all our friends moved across the country. You won’t spend more than a few fucking hours with me. You said we would finally get married and start a family, angel. But…but I don’t think I believe you anymore.”

Silent seconds passed as I looked at him. The more those brown eyes held my gaze, the louder my heart thundered. And nerves flooded my blood.

“We can’t,” I whispered before I could stop myself. Something in his voice broke everything in me, every lie I built, every layer I cloaked, and every fear that poisoned my blood. They all broke.

Fear gripped my heart.

Why did I say it?

Why did I say it?

Why the hell did I say it?

But deep down, I knew. I knew it was to mask theotherreason, a reason that had wreaked havoc on me for the past couple of weeks,that night. I had been ruined since that night, and it crippled me with fear, so much fear that I was losing myself to the point that I was confessing the secret I kept to myself for years.

“What?” His eyes rounded. “We can’t what?”

My heart thudded a beat I didn’t recognize, and my mind blanked. All the years of tightly kept pain and hurt swindled out of me.

“We can’t do that…it’s not possible for us.” My voice cracked and salty tears started to leak out of my eyes.

“What’s not possible for us, Katy?” He frowned as his thumb swept over my wet cheek.

Looking into his troubled eyes, filled full of love,love for me,I just couldn’t take it anymore. “We can’t start a family,” I said quietly, so low a whisper that I thought he almost didn’t hear it.

“What do you mean?”

“Family, we can…can’t start a family.”

My heartbeat boomed between us like a thundering storm.

“A family?” he muttered, wiping away my tears.

“Yes, a family. We can’t. It’s impossible for us, impossible because of…because of me.” My veins pulsed with pain, so much of it laced with embarrassment and shame.

“What are you talking about, K?” He shook his head, confused. “Don’t you want that? It’s all you talked about when you were young.”

“N…no, you don’t understand.” My blurry eyes landed on him as my entire world crumbled. “I ca…can’t get pre…pregnant.”

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