Page 66 of From Angel to Rogue

Fuck, could I at least get some acknowledgment for my attempt? But then, could I really blame him?

“How have you been?” I asked instead, offering a small smile.

He flicked a brow. “How do you think?”

Guess nothing was going to work and it only made me more nervous for what I have to tell him today.

“So I’m living here now.” I waved my hand. “Figured I would put the apartment to good use since Mikey doesn’t live here anymore.”

He nodded, his face as blank as an unruled paper.

“You should come live with me,” I blurted. “Here. We should sell the house back in LA. I don’t like it. I never really liked it.”

A long second passed before he asked, “Why?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“Why should I come and stay with you?” he asked. “Only weeks ago, you were crying, mad at me for trying to talk to you, and now what? That’s changed? You’re no longer mad at me? You want me to move in with you? I have lived with you before Katy, and that didn’t work out very well for us, did it?”

“This time it will be different,” I said, meeting his eyes head-on. “This time,Iwill be different.”

“Different how?”

I sighed. “Look, I know what I did. I’m not saying I look past all my mistakes…that I disregard all the ways I have avoided you and destroyed myself. I see that. I see that girl more clearly than anyone has. Because I fucking live with her every day. And I don’t want to be her anymore. I’m tired of being her. And now I want something else.”

“Which is?” He leaned closer, his eyes never leaving me.

A second chance at a family, with you.

Fuck, how do I tell him this? I dug my hands into the pockets of my cardigan to make myself busy.

“Katy?” Lan frowned.

“I met someone,” I blurted, my heart thudding. “And I want you to meet him.”

And his face fell, like I had broken his heart into a million little pieces.

Fuck, Katy.You had years of experience on negotiating and smooth talking, and this was what you fucking say!?

“Someone?” His voice cracked as betrayal crossed his eyes. “But how? I was there…”

“Not like that,” I shouted so loud that his eyes widened. “No, no, not like that.” I frantically shook my head as I leaped to my feet and was by his side the next second.

I took hold of his hands and brought his destroyed eyes to mine. “What I meant was a child. A baby boy, well, not like ababy, baby. But a boy. He’s six and his name is Luka and I love him already. I know you’ll love him too. He reminded me so much of you. And I want him. I want to be his mother and I don’t know how… I don’t know how to do it without you, Lan. I can’t do it without you.”

“Fuck, Katy.” He heaved a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “Don’t you know how to fucking speak?” he mumbled.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

And for the next minute, he didn’t say a thing and just stared at the floor. My heart felt like it was stuck in a pendulum, swinging back and forth and back and forth.

Well, wasn’t he going to say anything? I wanted to scream and shout and beg like an impatient girl for him to just say something. But I kept quiet, knowing he needed his time to think about the huge boulder that I dropped on his head.

“Why do you want him?” Lan’s eyes landed on mine. “Do you want him because it’s some kind of plan to bring me back? Ordo you want him because he’s the newfound purpose you will be chasing? Or do you want him because you want us to give him a home and build a life with him? Which one is it, Katy?”

Each of his questions drilled like criminal accusations into my head. But he was right and he had the right to ask me that.

“Maybe…maybe it’s all of that, or maybe none at all. I don’t know, Lan,” I said quietly. “When I saw him, I just wanted him, wanted him to be mine,ours.” A smile spread across my lips. “I don’t… don’t know if I can be a good mother to him. He didn’t have the best time in foster care. And I want to try to give him a safe happy place and I can’t do it without you, Lan.”

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