Page 134 of Nine-Tenths

"I know. That’s good."

He's quiet for a moment, chewing on his thoughts. "I would never have met you, never have wanted you, if she hadn't died. I regret her death, and yet I take joy in loving you. All the same, I wish she was here to—she'd like you."

"Yeah?"

"Charlotte was interested in all the ways we can improve the world."

"See? A type."

Dav chuckles. "She formed a strong friendship with Onatah."

Okay, maybe I'm alittleenvious of a dead woman. "Wait, hold up. Did Charlotte get to meet Onatah's Favorite?"

"Colin," Dav scolds.

"Right, fine, whatever. Continue, please."

"We developed something of a habit of visiting Onatah on Sundays." He pauses to wipe his nose on his cuff, which is the least gentlemanly thing I’ve ever seen him do. It makes me love him just that little bit more. "We'd go to church, the cook would pack us a picnic, and Onatah would show us all the lovely little lakes she safeguards. She was teaching Charlotte the traditional medicines and—" Dav trails off into a wet whimper. "There was an outcropping, over one of the rivers, high up, had a good view. It became our preferred picnic spot."

My heart seizes. How awful.

"The rock was perfectly solid the week before, but that Sunday it just… Maybe our continued presence dislodged something, wore away at… or perhaps there had been a storm and the run-off…" He takes a deep, stuttering breath. "I went down first. Charlotte tried to catch my hand and…"

Beneath my hand, the waltz of his heart jackhammers.

"Breathe, babe."

He takes a deep breath. Lets it go. Takes another. "She didn't survive."

"I'm sorry." I kiss his shoulder again. "I'm so sorry."

"It was my fault."

"It wasn't."

"I pulled her over."

"You didn't mean to."

"I took her there, I put her in that danger. I made the wrong choice, I took her into another dragon's territory, and she paid for it. How could I have been so reckless? And then I did it again, with you, with the coffee, when I knew it was wrong…"

"I don’t think that’s fair," I point out.

"I regret, Mine Own, that the others don’t care what your opinion is."

"See, that’s the part that I can’t pretend isn’t fuckingweird." I try not to tense up or lash out. "That they all treat me like I'm not…"Go on, you coward. You can't bottle it up forever."Like I lost all ability to think or reason or speak for myself now that I’ve basically become yourslave."

"Colin, it's not—" Dav gasps, sitting up.

"I know it's not, Iknowthat," I say, hands out,stop. Dav stops, sits back against the headboard, small.

"You regret putting on the pin," Dav says.

Even his voice is tiny, and this isn't what I—fuck.

"No," I insist. "But I… you have to see this from my point of view, okay, like, I didn't grow up with any of the dragon shit, I didn't—"

"Shit?" Dav interrupts, eyebrows pulling down.

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