Page 63 of Nine-Tenths

"Colin," Dav with sudden and urgent intensity. "You have to be sure."

"Why?" I ask, sitting up.

"Because… because I don't know what's coming." He levers himself up, too. "I can't ask you to… to be apartof it if you have any doubts."

"Well holy shit, we're justbarelydating," I splutter. Dav flushes up, but it's not the cute blush—it's mottled and mortified. "You're talking like this is a forever thing."

"Colin—"

"Hold on,isthis a forever thing? Are we accidentally dragon-married?"

"Don't be absurd," Dav snorts.

"How is it being absurd?" I snap back. "I don’t know where you live, I know nothing about your family, I don't knowshitabout you."

Slimy fear drops into my guts. It's mixed with worry and confusion, not just for Dav, but suddenly for me, too. He’s rattled, and he won't tell mewhy. I’m just now realizing that I could be collateral damage.

Miserable, Dav lays his hands on my shoulders. "I have been as open as I felt was safe."

"For who?" I challenge. "For you? Or are you trying to protect me, too?"

"Of course."

"How can I be protected if I don’t know what it’sfrom? You're talking like it's gonna come for me, too, just because we're a thing. But you won't say what it is? Well, fuck that." I crabwalk to the edge of the bed, and clamber to my feet.

"Colin, please," Dav says, reaching for me. I know how fast he is. If he wanted to grab my wrist, he would. He just doesn't care enough to.

Or he's respecting your right to back away.

Shut up,I tell the little voice in my head.Who's side are you on, anyway?

I head for the front door, don't even bother with my shoes, and slam it open. On the porch, I turn in a circle, wipe my palms on my thighs, scrub my hands through my hair, let out a loud, furious growl, and then slump down. The cement is cool under my ass, and now that I've finished my temper tantrum, the late-evening air is uncomfortably bracing.

Dav looked sohurt.

Aw, fuck.

Dipshit,I think as soon as the first wash of fresh air cycles through my lungs.Weren't you just vowing that you’d wade through the sewage with him?

I groan and hide my face in my knees. I hadn’t known he would ask me to ride or die, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are here because he did something that may get him in deep shit because Iaskedhim to.

I'm an asshole.And because Dav deserves the chance to agree with me, I go back into the house to tell him so.Also, I love him, so there's fucking that.

Dav's jamming the things he had spread across the sofa into his bag.

"I'm an asshole," I tell him. "And I overreacted."

Dav grunts, jaw clenched, agreeing without saying so. He's got such nicemannersthat I want to mess him up. Rip buttons off his shirts, make him drool, throw him to the floor and give him rug burn.

"Hey." I flex my fingers to keep from grabbing him, forcing him to look at me. "You wanted to know if I was in this enough to stand beside you for it?"

"I take the answer is no?" he sneers, eyes resolutely on the clasp twisting shut.

"It’syes,you absolute meatloaf!" I shout back. "Jesus fucking Christ on a motherfucking pogo stick. Fuck me sideways on every second Sunday, but the goddamned answer isyes." I throw my hands up to the sky, begging the Lord whose name I'm taking in vain to strike me with lightning if I’m lying. "I don't know what I'm signing up for, but here's my fucking signature. The answer is y—"

Dav's tongue in my mouth jams up the last of that sentence.

"You don't have to." He pulls back to let me breathe, to rearrange myself from the startled flail into something pressed up against his chest, hot and hard. "I wouldn't blame you."

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