Page 6 of Just The Way You Aren't

“I’m going to check into that,” I assure her, patting her hand. The microwave dings and I scurry back into the kitchen. I come back out with the cookie sheet we’ve been using as a tray and set her soup and sandwich on a TV table next to her.

Mrs. Baumgartner begins to eat half-heartedly, and I wonder if I should have mentioned Mr. Katz at all. Then she suddenly points her grilled cheese at me. “You need a good man.”

“What now?” I respond with a startled laugh.

“You heard me. A good man. Why haven’t you settled down yet? You’re so kind. You’re beautiful. You’re the ‘whole package’ as the young people say.” Mrs. Baumgartner waves the grilled cheese at me as though it’s a man she has on offer.

I can’t help the giggles that bubble up inside me. “Mrs. Baumgartner! Now that you’ve got yourself another good man hanging on your every word, you’re trying to set me up?”

She nods seriously. “Yes.” Her phone chimes loudly. “Oh, speaking of which…” She picks it up and answers a FaceTime call. “Hello, Irving darling.”

I see a picture of Mr. Katz’s hair-sprouting ear on the phone and cover my mouth so I don’t laugh.

“Irving, dearest, we’re on the FaceTime. You can look at me on the screen,” Mrs. Baumgartner says patiently.

The image tilts and moves and suddenly we’re looking up Mr. Katz’s nose. “Doris?”

“A little further away, dear.” Mrs. Baumgartner smiles.

Mr. Katz finally appears onscreen with Old Tucker trying to squeeze his head into the frame as well. “I just wanted to wish you a nice lunch, Doris.”

“Thank you.” She blushes. “Are you having the lasagna today?”

Mr. Katz holds up the box for a TV dinner. “Pizza.”

Mrs. Baumgartner laughs and it’s the most adorable young girl giggle I’ve ever heard. I like that they keep each other young. “Well, have a slice for me.”

“I will,” Mr. Katz says.

“And stop feeding it to Tucker!” she admonishes him.

Mr. Katz has no intention of listening to her. I know it. She knows it.

And the salivating Old Tucker knows it, too.

“Sure thing,” Mr. Katz lies. “Oh, looks like it’s time for Family Feud. Shall we watch it together?”

I turn on the TV for her. She always has it on the Game Show Network. Just like Mr. Katz. “I’ll show myself out,” I whisper.

“Wait! You still haven’t told me why you’re not married,” Mrs. Baumgartner argues.

“Good question,” Mr. Katz agrees.

I smile at her and the phone, which she is holding up in one just slightly trembling hand. “I don’t have time! Besides, I haven’t found someone fun enough yet.”

Both of them snort, but then get so absorbed in each other that I’m able to make a sneaky retreat.

My heart squeezes a little for the rest of the day. I suppose it would be nice to have a partner to go through life with. Someone fun, kind, flexible. Someone like me. A real partner in all things.

I finish my day and head home after the late-night neighborhood meeting where I calm everyone down. Mentally, I’m trying to stop myself from leaving a flaming bag of poo on Mr. Powers’s doorstep, but I don’t want to cause any more trouble for my clients. Silver Hearts doesn’t need him working against us, and neither do the clients. Well, any more than he already is.

Once I get in the door of my dilapidated old apartment, I see my cats, Rufus and Mingo, have knocked all the flower pots off the tables and counters and left a terrible mess on the floor, while Tiny, my pit bull, has ripped the newest dumpster-dived couch cushions to shreds. Spike, my elderly dachshund mix has also had an accident and is hiding behind said couch. His last owner threw him out for being incontinent and he always seems to be afraid I will too.

I look at the disaster and just laugh. “Come here, Spike, you poor thing. Oh! Tiny, you’ve still got some cushion in your mouth!” I scoop them both close to me and kiss their heads.

Rufus and Mingo meow and one tangles herself around my ankles while the other headbutts me.

I don’t bother with the mess for a long time. “How are all my silly gooses?” I baby-talk to them. “My silly little gooses.”

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