Page 56 of Mean Machine

“Most likely not, no,” Nathaniel said softly. “I’d… I don’t know. I don’t want to steal her. The only thing I want is for her to have a good life.”

“You know, for a legal professional, you sure like to bend the rules.”

Nathaniel chuckled. “Let’s say I prefer to play with a deck I’ve set up to suit me. And then play by the rules. But seriously, we can enter into a contract that gives you access rights.”

Access rights to be part of her life. Distantly, at least. She’d likely never want for a thing with Nathaniel, but maybe Brooklyn could be there, help if necessary, though he had no idea how. How even to do this—he had no true first-hand experience with children. This was terrifying in a wholly new way. At the same time, she seemed so precious, and if he was very, very lucky, maybe she’d run towards him in the same way she’d homed in on Nathaniel, with no regard for the uneven ground, face alive with seeingDaddy. The thought made him nearly tear up.

“So you’d treat me like your divorced wife.”

“More like husband.”

Brooklyn met his eyes, and Nathaniel looked away immediately. “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“I thought you’d rip my head off if you knew. None of this sat right with you… I saw you baulk all the time. Resent and hate. Fight the notion that others control your fate. I wanted to get to know you, and when I did get to know you, I couldn’t risk what I had. But of course my objectivity and distance went out the window very quickly.”

Yeah, he never would have allowed Nathaniel anywhere near his emotions if he’d caught even a whiff of his secrets. Maybe he would have had suspicions if he hadn’t had his head so far up his arse he could have examined the fillings in his teeth.

“Yeah, I think I can see your point.”

“Believe me, I was close, several times. I thought, God, he trusts me, I can’t, I just can’t.” Nathaniel shook his head. “I so wanted to be the white knight saving you. I thought that would make you mine in the one way that really matters. You know?”

Make you mine.

Part of him freaked out over that idea. He’d never talked to Shelley about emotions like that. At some point, after the dating and the fucking, it had become clear they’d get married and have kids, and maybe get a house. And Brooklyn had been expected to do all the work. The “courting.” Wasn’t it weird to be “courted” by a guy? Though less weird than he’d thought. He could practically see Nathaniel’s pulse beat hard in his throat.

“Well. Phew. I’m not that good at feelings.” Least of all talking about them. He envied Nathaniel the ease and smoothness. Maybe gay guys were more in touch with their emotions—and wasn’t that what he liked about Nathaniel?

He couldn’t imagine having this conversation with any of the supposedly straight mates he’d exchanged a hand or blowjob with. Slightly camp Nathaniel and his bared emotions, and how he barrelled onward. He knew he’d make a mess of things if he tried to explain any of this, but he really needed to try. Otherwise, they might end up walking away in opposite directions.

“I mean, put me in a ring and I know what to do. But tell me”—you love me—“something like that, and I have no bloody clue. I, yeah. I’ll be okay with all that. I’m just tired. I feel like tenderised meat. That was one of the toughest fights of my life, and I’ve been given everything”—almost everything—“I’ve wanted. I’m… I think I need to sleep on it.”

Nathaniel nodded. “Of course. I didn’t want to keep you waiting.”

“Almost five months was a hell of a wait.”

“What did they do to you?”

Brooklyn hesitated, denial the first thing on the tip of his tongue. Maybe Nathaniel deserved to know. All those missing days between them. “Maybe I’ll tell you, but not today. It wasn’t pretty, but it’s okay now.”

“I hope, sincerely, that you will.” Nathaniel stood again, but this time, Brooklyn stood with him.

“Thanks for coming by. It means a great deal to me.” He placed a hand between Nathaniel’s shoulder blades and guided him to the door. He wanted to touch the man, wanted to hold him again, but everything was a jumble, all his emotions both flat and brittle with exhaustion. He didn’t want to regret what he might do on an impulse. “What about Rose and Em and Santos?”

“Rose was distraught when they locked you away. Even cooked up a mad plan to liberate you.”

Brooklyn grinned. “Brave Cuban. I’d like to see him and the others again.”

“I can arrange that. Dinner, soon?” Nathaniel looked hopeful.

“Okay, if I get sixteen hours of sleep beforehand. I’m knackered.”

“I’ll give them a call. They’re in London to make introductions and get their careers started.”

“Get Cash on the case. He should be happy to launch the Cubans.” He leaned against the door jamb and studied Nathaniel in his lawyer outfit. Damn, he just liked looking at him. Especially now that he was less nervous, less scared. Much less guilty.

Nathaniel’s smile brightened considerably. “Yes, that was the deal. Help get you ready and then help them. I might even get into this boxing thing.”

Brooklyn grinned. “You’d better do that. Because I have no intention of dating a guy who falls asleep when I talk about fighting.”

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