Page 67 of Burn this City

“But if he’s straight …”

“Straight-ish. Quasi-straight. Plenty of men who have sex with men would call themselves straight. More common than you’d think. I never pushed him into anything he didn’t enjoy.”

Jack turned his head to look at Sal. “I didn’t think you did. Doesn’t it feel strange to sleep with somebody who’s straight?”

“Just means he’s not romantically available. Neither was I, but once all of this is over …” Sal rubbed over his face. “Once I can allow myself to let it all go, the fucking pain, that rage … once that’s done, I could be open to feeling something more. Something deep. Fuck, I want to.”

Jack’s heart clenched. He was almost sure Sal was signaling thattheycould have something more, something deep and meaningful. It scared him witless because his own feelings were all over the place, and he wasn’t used to feeling anything so intensely. He’d thought he had his life and job under control and that both pretty much overlapped completely. But ever since Sal had confronted him, the spaces in his mind that had been tidy and well-ordered didn’t feel like that at all anymore. And it all could still go wrong. It was bound to, wasn’t it?

“I don’t think I’m a very emotional person,” Jack said carefully. “Not sure I ever was. I couldn’t allow it. I had to be too careful.”

“Getting past that takes work.” Sal traced the line of Jack’s ribcage with a thumb. “I know just the thing for you. It helped me.”

“What’s that? Getting fucked senseless?” Sex worked. Sex allowed him to stay in the moment, focus on somebody else, and enjoy the sensation.

“Ropes. Specifically shibari. And yeah, it can lead to sex, but it’s also its own thing. It’s hard to describe what it does, but if you ever want to get tied up again, I have plenty of rope.”

Strangely, the thought of Sal tying him up triggered zero horror, even though the skin around his wrists was still somewhat tender from the zip ties and his automatic struggles and movements and jerks. He hadn’t even fought the ties, which was why he wasn’t bruised or chafed, but it had still been enough to make him very aware of his wrists. “You like getting tied up?”

“With the right rigger, yes.” Sal chuckled. “With the right person, I like pretty much anything. Though shibari isn’t something I do casually, or at least not often. It’s too tied up with other things, pun intended.”

All Jack knew about shibari were some artsy black and white photos of rope patterns on skin, and while they’d been attractive in a remote way, they hadn’t hit him deep down. But Sal bringing it up shifted his perspective, and he could imagine Sal’s powerful body trussed up like that, all his energy carefully restricted and contained, and all of that became a tantalizing possibility. And if Sal felt similarly about him, then … “I’d try it.”

“Now?”

Shit. One step forward and he felt like rushing two steps back, but hadn’t he said he wanted to feel everything? And if that was what Sal wanted to do, and he clearly did, then Jack was game.

Shibari isn’t something I do casually, or at least not often.

Weren’t they both in totally unchartered waters here, unable to see coasts or lighthouses, though it all still felt strangely safer and saner than anything else in Jack’s life. “Yes. Let’s try that.”

Sal kissed him and stood. “How are your wrists?”

“Tender.”

“Yeah, I should have used rope instead. But I figured I wasn’t going to waste a good rope on a piece of shit. Obviously, I was totally wrong.”

“If we’d known how that whole weekend would go, none of us would have made those decisions.” Jack sat up and placed his arms around his knees. “But I don’t regret a thing.”

“I do, a little.” Sal opened his wardrobe and tossed a length of white rope onto the bed near Jack’s thigh. “Touch it.”

It was surprisingly soft, almost silky and the thickness of a finger, but no doubt sturdy, solid rope. Sal also placed bandage scissors on the nightstand. “I wouldn’t do this if you hadn’t already proven that you can talk to me, Jack. With this, it’s even more important, because you will quite literally be helpless.”

“Nothing new there.”

“Probably not, but also totally different.” Sal grinned. “Also, this doesn’t have to lead to sex, you can just enjoy the tying. Similarly, if it turns you on, we don’t have to do anything about it, or I can untie you before anything sexual happens. There’s huge variation in how people respond. Some want the tightness and helplessness, others get so horny they’d fuck an army if one were around.”

“What about you?”

“It depends on what I’m bringing to the session and who does it, but yeah, it turns me on.”

“So I could do that to you?”

Sal’s eyes narrowed with speculation, and then darted to Jack’s hands. His lips parted slightly, and he wetted them. “You could be pretty good at it too, considering how smart and methodical you are about everything. I could teach you. Would you like that?”

“Tying you up? Yes.”

A deep, harsh exhale, almost a hiss. “Perfect.”

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