“I thought you meet your trading buddies at the gym?”
“My schedule is in chaos.Only for now?I’m sure we can find something you enjoy there.”
“It’s the whole atmosphere, the vibes, the other guys either checking you out or mentally sneering or competing with you.I just hate gyms.”
Timo paused over that, his last sushi roll poised.Naturally, he must think that the whole purpose of a gym was competition.If he didn’t want that aspect he’d go on his own.He even enjoyed running partners.After a slightly derailed pause, Timo rallied.
“Our building gym then.It’ll be fun.We have one downstairs and it’s always either empty or nearly so.”
“Our” building.Ugh.So fast.Yet … so sweet?It kind of was.
Turned out, Timo was right.The place was empty besides a group of three women on the bikes, talking about work.Timo taught him a bit about lifting and cardio breathing and, to Noah’s slight embarrassment, it was fun.
Later, while Noah cooked, a kitchen make-out session turned into kitchen sex as the meatballs baked and sauce simmered.The meatballs ended up overdone, saved by the sauce and fresh basil and a beautiful aged Parmigiano Reggiano from Italy so it was all good.Like everything with Timo, even when it wasn’t all good, things somehow worked out.
The next days at the office and home were like that, too: unpredictable, overwhelming, sometimes stressful, mostly euphoric, leaving Noah reeling to discover that yes, it could happen this fast.
Was he really in love with Timo?Was he stupid for thinking there was any chance he mightnotbe in love when his brain seemed to have given itself over to Timo and he struggled to focus on his work or remember his Tube stop or care about doing anything that wasn’t with Timo?
Or was it stupid to think this was real love so fast when Timo was anyone’s fantasy and Noah was simply swept along on all the hormones and gifts and sex and his primitive brain begging for more?So much begging that Noah found himself pretending otherwise just to save his own pride.
He put up a show of insisting to Timo that he, Noah, had work to do when Timo showed up at his desk; or Noah said they were going to be late in the morning when Timo thought that once wasn’t enough and Noah didn’t want to admit to feeling the same.
Where was the line drawn between this fast, lustful infatuation, almost strong-armed into a relationship, and real, intimate, romantic love?
Noah also hadn’t forgotten that spell.All the time it hung in the back of his mind that none of this was even authentic for Timo, that without outside interference Timo would have gone on looking past Noah.What if some of those same influences had seeped into Noah?What if he’d annoyed Julian that day and Julian slapped a spell on Noah also?How could Noah ever be sure there was no outside force in play?
No matter how much he fretted, all those worries remained at the back, while his front mind thought about Timo for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Timo at work, Timo at home, Timo going out and staying in, and didn’t care why or how, only knowing he wanted to be with this man as much as possible and he could never get enough.
Noah found himself wanting to become a runner, wishing Timo wouldn’t resume his life of constantly socialising with trading friends and insiders, wishing that Timo was right, that Noah could stay, not because of the work or the money or his future, but just to be with Timo.Surely that had to indicate there was something mentally off with him.
On Friday morning, he lost track of trades, made stupid mistakes, finally closed everything to pull himself together.He paced in a tight circle, shaking out his hands and rolling his neck.Another coffee, get his head in the game, ignore anyone else who might be in the kitchen.Which made him think of Timo coming up behind him on Wednesday when Noah was in there alone slicing an apple at the counter, Timo reaching around to Noah’s groin.Noah had snapped at him.Timo had responded with his hooded smile, saying he only missed Noah.
“Is that a crime now?How about getting out for some hills with the bikes soon?”
“Sure, but what about the other guys?”
“Invite anyone you wish.”Timo had still smiled at him and Noah was briefly furious, but, again, what had Timo even done wrong?
The Wolf Pack used to do stuff together.If it wasn’t a biking day it was an evening of drinks.If it wasn’t a company dinner it was a weekend retreat.Now Timo couldn’t be bothered anymore, yet when Noah mentioned the rest of them, Timo turned it on him, made Noah the bad guy because Noah didn’t want the others along and Timo knew it.
It was hard not to end every conversation with Timo without feeling like you were being just a bit played — if not a lot.Maybe that was why Noah was so annoyed for wanting more and still more of the pack leader all to himself.
Coffee in hand, Noah sat again, staring at his screens.
Was it mostly about the sex?But he wanted to hit the trails with Timo, see Rome with him, go on that grand tour of Europe.He wanted to wake each morning looking into Timo’s eyes.He wanted to fall asleep every night hearing that delicious voice with the perfect English but Russian accent which grew sexier the longer Noah listened to it.
He wanted to convert Timo into loving the classics from his own country and he wanted Timo to teach him Russian and make him a better trader and ride that zip line in Thailand together.If all the sex stopped now and they worked out and cooked and traded together, he still wanted Timo in his life.
Noah jumped back on with his trades, paying attention as he should, only to remember ten minutes later that Timo had his appointment with the immigration attorney today.Damn.Should Noah be there?It had come up a couple of times but Noah still wasn’t sure.It was so easy to get distracted when talking to Timo.
Again, Noah scrambled to finish what he was doing.He took another gulp of coffee and left the mug, hurrying down the hallway to Timo’s office.
“Timo?”Noah leaned around the doorframe.“Are you leaving for that appointment?”
“Hmm?”Attention fixed on one of his screens, Timo was tossing a lump of magnetic beads into the air over and over and catching them.“Shut the door.”
Noah did, with himself on the inside, as he assumed Timo meant.