Page 104 of Home Safe

“What?”

“How many more years will you be playing baseball?” Danae asks.

“I can’t say that for sure. There are too many variables,” I say.

“Ballpark guess,” she demands.

“I mean, some guys push forty before they retire, but shortstop is a pretty demanding position physically, so thirty-six or thirty-seven is probably more realistic,” I say. “But you can’t hold me to that—it’s not a hard and fast rule.”

“So, anywhere from three to five more years, give or take?” Danae clarifies.

“I guess so. Why? What point are you getting at?” I ask.

“I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for how much longer it will be until I get to be with just Griffin,” Danae says, voice thick.

“What do you mean?” I ask, my blood pressure barreling higher. “You are with me, with Griffin. What’s stressing you out so much?”

“I don’t know, Griff! I’m really overwhelmed by . . . everything.My anxiety is on high alert, and I’m really wishing that Griffin the person was free of Griffin West, The Wizard of Defense right now,” she says, then abruptly halts at what she said.

We’re both silent for a beat, but I start pacing the room.

“This is who I am, Danae. You’ve known that from the first day we met,” I say, the irony suddenly hitting me. “Well, from as soon as you knew who I was.”

“I’m sorry,” Danae says before she sighs deeply. “I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t know what I mean. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even answered your call, should have gotten my mind in a better place before we talked. There’s just been a lot of . . . never mind. I need to go. I promised Jason we would go to Lego Land today, which was a huge mistake to promise something exhausting that requires driving downtown and figuring out parking and generally stressing me out when we have court tomorrow. Can we please talk when you get back to KC later this week?”

“Fine,” I say, voice hard with frustration. Sighing, I swallow down the desire to tell her we can talk tomorrow, still not wanting to ruin the surprise factor. But I can’t leave the conversation hanging this way, not when she thinks I won’t talk to her again before her big day. “Hey, good luck tomorrow. Have Kara take tons of pictures. I love you.”

Her voice sounds pained when she replies, “I love you too.”

There’s a loud knock on my hotel room door right as I hang up.

“Griff! You've gotta be on the bus in two minutes! Adrian texted me that you’re not down there!” Sam’s loud voice is extra annoying in my current state of mind.

I swing the door open, and her brow immediately furrows. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks, coming in.

“Bad conversation with Danae,” I say.

Sam hums. “You guys have seemed a little off lately. What gives?”

“I don’t know the whole of it, but the short of it is that she can’t accept me for who I am,” I say.

Sam quirks an eyebrow. “Um, okay. That’s one very dramatic way to look at things, but it doesn’t sound very Danae-like. What makes you say that?”

“She was grilling me on how many years I have left until I retire, complaining that she wishes I could be separate from the Wizard of Defense, when she can’t accept that the Wizard of Defenseisme. Griffin West, the baseball player—that’s who I am. I don’t know howto sustain our relationship if she won’t see that,” I say, pacing and throwing my hands up in the air.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Sam says, and I glare at her. “Don’t you dare push Danae away for the very reason you love her.”

Narrowing my eyes, I take the bait. “What do you mean?”

“Griff, have you never figured out why you were so drawn to Danae in the first place?” Sam asks.

I shrug. I begin listing off the things I love about Danae, “Of course, I know why I’m drawn to her. She’s tenderhearted and empathetic, she’s—”

“No, not all the things yougrewto love about her,” Sam says, cutting me off. “I mean the reason your heart altered its orbit around her in the first place. Before you knew all of those things, you were drawn to Danae because she seesyou. She cares aboutyou,Griffin. Not the baseball player. Not the persona. The person.”

My eyebrows knit together, and I know I’m scowling when Sam laughs.

She takes a deep breath before diving in. “Listen, for being exceptionally socially aware, you’re acutely lacking in the self-awareness category. You got injured last year and came face-to-face with the expiration date on this whole persona that’s wrapped up in your baseball career. Even though you clawed your way back to playing, for a minute there, you were confronted with the possibility of who you are without baseball. Deep down, you’re scared to face that idea—but that’s who you are to Danae. Just Griffin, not the baseball player. The baseball was adownsideto her. I think the suppressed, scared part of you was finally at peace finding someone who wouldn’t move on when your professional baseball era ends. She’s going to care about you long past the death of the Wizard of Defense persona. So don’t fault her for the very reason you love her.”

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