Page 124 of Forgive Me, Father

My breathing calmed, my heart took a few minutes longer to still as I lay back down.

The door creaked open.The bathroom light flicked on.Water from the faucet splashed into the tub, a familiar sound that echoed through the silence.Every morning was the same.I could only focus on the rush of water as I drifted into a memory, a trip with my family when I was about fifteen.Dad had taken us to a waterfall.I didn’t remember much, but I remembered the happiness, the warmth.

But I could never be happy again.

The memory of the waterfall faded into the darkness, replaced by the cold grip of reality.Then I felt myself being lifted from the floor, pulled into someone’s arms.

Alfonso.

He smelled good, like he always did, and for a brief moment, the scent tugged at me, trying to drag me back to the time before… before everything had been ripped away.

But the time before was gone.All that remained was the nightmare with Kai.

He put me down on the toilet.I just stared past him, at nothing.

He touched my chin and forced me to look at him.

“Get undressed and into the bath.I’ll be back to wash you.”

I just stared at him as he stood up from his haunches and pressed his lips to my forehead.At first, I hated it, the tenderness, the care, but he refused to stop, just like Kai had.

The door clicked shut, and I was left alone again.I didn’t care anymore.I didn’t care if I smelled, if I was dirty or clean.I would never feel clean again.I used to scrub my skin raw, hoping to wash away the memory of Kai.But no matter how much I tried, he was embedded in me now.A part of my soul I couldn’t erase.

Tears threatened to spill, but they never fell.I didn’t cry anymore.

Instead, I swallowed hard, and I could still hear his voice, echoing in my mind, haunting me.

“I’m coming for you, bella.I’m coming for you, Bella.I’m here.I will always be here.”

The door opened and his figure just stood by the door.He didn’t do anything.Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?

He didn’t.He never did and I feared he never would.

Two huge strides and he was right in front of me.He pulled my shirt off, pulled me up by my arms and took my pants off.Then he put me into the bath.

He yelled again, and I curled up, pulling my knees to my chest, resting my head on them as I turned away.His words were mostly in Italian, but honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered if they were in English.

I just didn’t care anymore.

FORTY

THE WHITE RABBIT

Camilla had given up.She stopped fighting, and I could see it in her eyes.I knew what I had to do, but I couldn’t shake the fear of leaving her behind.

Nico reassured me that Bas would stay with her, keep her safe.He would come with me, and we’d settle this, once and for all.

Her family was still living in the house.I got to know who they were.Her brother, Milo, was on seventy-three kills.Something I never would’ve thought.I doubted that Cami even knew that.He was a very private person, you had to be if you felt this amount of pressure from your family.

He just wanted revenge.To murder whoever did that to her.

He discovered very quickly that killing Kai was my revenge, not his.

Every day with Camilla felt like a battle.A battle to get her to eat, to coax her into a bath, to help her sleep—just to get her to function, to focus.Nothing seemed to work.But then again, the things Ireallywanted to do, they all thought I was insane for even considering them.

One thing was certain: you either fight your demons or make peace with them to survive something like this.

I made peace with mine.There was no defeating them.She was doing absolutely nothing to process hers.

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