I smooth it out on the polished surface of the bar, my eyes tracing the words that have become so familiar, so precious.
Character or actor?
Three simple words that had sparked a connection, an understanding. A reminder that beneath the surface, we were both struggling to reconcile our public personas with our true selves.
My vision blurs, and I blink back the tears that threaten to fall. How can a silly little napkin hold so much meaning? How can it make me question everything I thought I knew about myself, about what I want?
I should throw it away. Leave it behind, like I’m leaving behind Maine and all the memories it holds. But as I crumple it in my fist, I can’t bring myself to let go. It’s a tangible piece of the journey I’ve been on, a symbol of the person I’ve become.
Or maybe, the person I’ve always been, beneath the polished veneer of professionalism and ambition. The person who longs for connection, for a sense of home and family. The person who’sbeen hiding behind the mask of Rachel Holmes, Director of New Business Development, for far too long.
My hand shakes as I tuck the napkin back into my pocket, a talisman against the doubts that swirl within me. I can’t go back; can’t undo the choices I’ve made. But maybe, just maybe, I can carry a piece of this experience with me, a reminder of what could be, if I’m brave enough to reach for it.
With a resolute nod, I slide off the barstool, and I make my way towards the boarding gate. Towards Chicago, towards the life I’ve built, the life I’ve chosen.
But even as I hand my ticket to the gate agent, even as I step onto the plane, I can feel the weight of the napkin in my pocket, a constant presence, the promise of possibility.
And for the first time in a long time, I allow myself to wonder… What if?
With trembling fingers, I unfold the napkin, my eyes widening as I take in the words scrawled across its surface.
“Character or actor?”
The question stares back at me, a challenge and an invitation all at once.
I can almost hear Dan’s voice, that gentle, knowing tone he reserves for moments when he sees right through me. He’s asking me to choose, to decide who I want to be. The polished, put-together PR executive, always playing a role? Or the real Rachel, the one who laughs freely, who opens her heart, who dares to dream of a different life?
My thoughts are a tangled web as I stare at the napkin, my vision blurring with unshed tears. A part of me longs to be that person, to shed the armor I’ve worn for so long and embrace the vulnerability that comes with truly being seen. But another part of me recoils, terrified of the implications, of the upheaval it could bring to the carefully constructed world I’ve built.
I crumple the napkin in my fist, the paper crinkling under the force of my conflicting emotions. How can a simple question hold so much power, so much potential for change? How can a few words from a man I’ve known for such a short time make me question everything I thought I wanted?
My heart races as I contemplate the choice before me, the path I’ve been on for so long, or the uncharted territory that beckons. Can I really let go of the security, the status, the identity I’ve clung to? Can I risk everything for a chance at something more, something real?
The napkin feels heavy in my hand, a tangible reminder of the decision I face. Character or actor. Authenticity or pretense. Love or ambition.
I try to quiet the warring voices in my head. And in that moment, I realize that maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to choose. Maybe I can find a way to be both, to embrace the strength and resilience I’ve honed as Rachel Holmes while also allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be real.
With a newfound sense of clarity, I slowly uncurl my fingers, and smooth out the crumpled napkin. The words stare back at me, a challenge and an invitation all at once. Character or actor.
I trace the letters with my fingertip, a faint smile tugging at the corners of my mouth as I picture Dan’s face, the earnest intensity in his eyes as he posed the question. And in doing so, he offered me a chance to rewrite my story, to create a new narrative that encompasses all the facets of who I am and who I want to be.
As I approach the gate, I feel a newfound sense of clarity and purpose. Each step is deliberate, a physical manifestation of my resolve. The bustling terminal fades into the background, my focus solely on the path ahead.
I pause at the threshold, my hand resting on the ticketing counter. For a moment, I allow myself to look back, not withlonging or regret, but with gratitude. The ash cloud, meeting Dan and Chloe, the crumpled napkin—they all played a part in this journey of self-discovery. They were catalysts, pushing me to confront the parts of myself I had long ignored.
I cross the threshold, stepping onto the air bridge. The steady hum of the aircraft engines grows louder, a reminder of the world that awaits me beyond these walls. I feel a flicker of excitement, a sense of anticipation of what lies ahead.
As I step onto the plane, the flight attendant checks my ticket and greets me with a warm smile. “Welcome aboard, Ms. Holmes. We’re glad to have you with us today and glad to be flying again.”
I return the smile, a genuine one that reaches my eyes. “Thank you. Me too.”
And I am. Truly. I settle into my seat, my gaze drifting to the small window beside me. The tarmac stretches out before me, a network of roads leading to countless destinations. But for now, my destination is clear. Chicago. Channing Gabriel. A new chapter in my story.
As the plane begins to taxi, I lean back in my seat, a sense of peace washing over me. The napkin may be gone, but its message lives on, etched into my heart. Character and actor. Two sides of the same coin. Two parts of a whole.
And as the plane lifts off, soaring into the sky, I know that I am ready. Ready to embrace all that I am, all that I can be. Ready to write a new story, one that is uniquely, unapologetically, mine.
The gentle hum of the plane’s engines fill my ears as we climb higher into the sky. I gaze out the window, watching as the world below grows smaller and smaller. The buildings, the roads, the trees—they all blur together into a patchwork quilt of colors and shapes.