Page 162 of With Us

Had I imagined it all? A caffeine and smut fueled daydream run amok?

Am I losing my mind?

“Theo, I…” I started, but he was gone. My heart ached, my brain felt foggy and full, and my stomach plummeted in disappointment. It was only when I ran a damp palm down my face and saw the thin strings in place, did I feel rejuvenated. I fought against the strings, pulling so hard the skin broke and I began to bleed. “Theo, come back!”

Everyone came and went as they always had. Life returned to how it was before Theo.

But I couldn’t live like that anymore.

Grabbing the handle of the coffee pot, I shattered it against the counter. I used a jagged piece of glass to cut through the strings controlling my body. With each one severed, a new feeling of hope grew stronger.

My past and the outside world can’t control me anymore.

Taking off in a sprint, I ran from the building, calling Theo’s name as I went.

When he didn’t answer, hope faded into isolation. I refused to give up, even when it felt as though it was going to destroy me.

Jolting awake, I jumped from the bed. When the blankets tangled around my ankles, I tumbled and nearly fell before violently kicking my feet free. The feeling of loneliness surrounded me until I stood and saw where I was.

With a sigh, I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my face.

I’d been sleeping in the guest room for a week. Although we’d spent time together, I’d needed space to get my head on straight. Theo had been patient and understanding, even though he hadn’t been happy about it.

But the distance had done little to help. My mind was caught on how I should feel and what I should do. Despite Julie’s advice, I let ‘supposed to’ dictate how I was living.

I was supposed to leave him.

I was supposed to go to the police.

I was supposed to not love him.

Yet I stayed. Going to the police had never even been an option in my mind. And I loved him.

He did bad things, but prevented worse. I’d seen and heard awful atrocities from other kids in foster homes. Abused and neglected children were much more common than orphaned ones. I wasn’t oblivious to the cruelty in the world, but I couldn’t help but feel naïve for thinking punishment would always come legally.

It didn’t. Evil went unpunished every day. Theo wasn’t a superhero, swooping in to save the day and bring justice to the world. That didn’t mean he didn’t make a difference. Working from his gray area, he made it so there was one less Senator Larson out there to lie, steal, and abuse.

I was lost without him. Before he’d come into my life, I’d been stuck in my cage doing the same thing day after day. I hadn’t been living. I’d barely been surviving. He’d thrown the door open and reached a hand in to save me. And not once, not through any of it, had he made me feel like I was less than him or like I needed to change.

It wasn’t the same. I knew that. Being loved and accepted, however, was a feeling I hadn’t been familiar with. Once I had it, I couldn’t see settling for a relationship that offered any less. If I couldn’t give that same love and acceptance to Theo, I had no business sticking around.

What if I don’t fit into hiswholeworld?

Looking at the time, I couldn’t believe it was only a little after three in the morning. I was more awake than if I’d gotten a full night’s sleep followed by a couple shots of espresso. Restless and impulsive, I didn’t give myself the chance to change my mind before going into Theo’s room.

Ourroom.

Sprawled on his back, just a thin sheet covered Theo from his waist down. One muscular arm was near his head, the other resting on his tight abs. Pillows and the comforter were on the floor around the bed as if they’d been kicked off.

I wonder if he was feeling as restless as I am.

Climbing onto the bed, I hesitated for a second before licking down the middle of his abs. When the sheet tented, Theo letting out a low groan, my eyes shot to his face but he was still asleep. I carefully shifted the sheet lower and positioned myself better. Starting at the base of his cock, I followed the thick vein as I licked up to the tip. My tongue flicked across the head before I repeated the path. I reached the tip again, barely wrapping my lips around him when he jolted forward.

His hands spanned my waist and lifted me so I straddled him. Instead of settling me lower, my ass landed on his stomach. He held me tight so my body was pressed against his and we were face to face.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. Using the tip of my tongue, I licked his bottom lip as I wiggled out of his hold. I shifted back so my ass was on his cock and pulled my sleep shirt over my head, leaving me naked and exposed.

Vulnerable.

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