Page 85 of With Us

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

My bottom lip pushed out with the devastation of my crushed dream. “Oh. That’s disappointing. It really should be.” By the end of my sentence, I’d forgotten about my disappointment. “Did you have fun?”

Theo glanced at me and grinned. Even in the dark car, I could see his deep dimples and the warm way he looked at me. It made me feel… Well, I was in no condition to dissect my emotions. But it made me feel something.

“I had a blast, gattina,” he said. “Where’d you learn to play pinball like that?”

“When I was a senior in high school, I worked at a pizza place. They had that same pinball machine. When business was slow, I’d pass the time and play with my spare change. Since I didn’t have much spare change, that meant I had to get good if I wanted to play for longer than five minutes.”

I watched, focusing mostly on the sexy veins in his hand, as Theo rubbed his jaw. The mood had changed, but I was too tipsy to really pay much attention. “That pizza place wasn’t very good, so we were never busy. That gave me a lot of time to play and practice. Then they closed and the owner was going to give me the game instead of my last paycheck, but the foster home I was at wouldn’t let me keep it in the garage or anything. The owner was retiring to Florida, so it wasn’t like he could hold on to it for me.” I sighed. “I do think I could compete professionally. They play poker on ESPN. Why can’t they play pinball? It’d certainly be more exciting than golf.”

“Not a golf fan?” Theo asked, resting his hand on my exposed thigh.

“Unless it involves hitting a blue ball into a clown’s mouth, no.” Realizing what I’d said, I started laughing my head off. Full on, clapping and wheezing like a seal, laughing. “Kinky.”

Theo joined in, though I got the feeling he was laughing at me rather than the blue balled clown mouth. “You’ve got a dirty mind when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.” At the raise of his eyebrow, I conceded, “I’m tipsy now. I was drunk. I’ve never been drunk before. Every once in a while, I splurge on the flavored bottles of wine coolers or whatever they are. They go on sale for a dollar sometimes. But they’re so sweet, my stomach hurts before I can even catch much of a buzz.” I shrugged. “Anyways, Iwasdrunk, now I’m tipsy.”

“Noted,” Theo said before changing the subject. “I almost forgot, I want to ask you something.”

“What’s up?”

“Mom called earlier to see if we were coming for Sunday dinner. The heat is supposed to be record breaking, so how would you feel about having some of the family over to our place for swimming and a cookout?”

My mind was muddled with booze and exhaustion. Even still, I caught a lot of monumental things he’d said in just a few sentences. He was asking for my opinion on people coming over, something he didn’t have to do since it washishouse. But, according to what he’d just said, it was ‘ourplace’.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice coming out as a whisper. Giving myself a mental kick to the rear, I spoke up. “Yeah, that sounds fun. You can invite them all if you want.”

He grimaced and shook his head. “I love my family, but there’s only so much I can take of them in my space.”

Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes. My brain was like a pinball machine, my thoughts bouncing all around. They kept hitting the same spot, practically forcing the words out of my mouth as I whispered, “Thank you.”

“What for, gattina?”

“For… everything, really. But, most of all, thank you for giving me a family for a bit.”

His hand on my thigh tightened. “Dahlia—”

“My mom died when I was a newborn. She wasn’t a good person. Neither was my,” I paused, lifting my hands to do air quotes, “‘father’.” I opened my eyes, rolling my head to the side so I was looking at him. “He killed my mom.”

Theo’s intake of breath was sharp, his curse harsh. “Fuck, Dahlia.”

I shook my head. “He was married when they hooked up. They ended things before she found out she was pregnant with me. Since she knew he wasn’t a good person, she waited until I was already born and stashed safely with her mother before going to confront him at his ‘hookup apartment’. Based on what neighbors overheard, they had loud sex and then she started screaming about how she’d recorded it and was going to tell his wife about them. He killed her before she even told him about me.”

“How did you find out about this?”

Even though it was long in the past, there was still hurt in my voice. “When I was four, after my grandma got sick, I went to this really nice foster family. The woman used to sing all the time. The man was big, but gentle and calm. It was like stepping into a Disney movie. I’d wake up in the night, and need to open my door to see it wasn’t just a dream. I’d hear them sometimes, whispering about adoption. Then one morning, the woman wasn’t singing. Her and the man wouldn’t even look at me. I got picked up by someone from The Department of Children and Families that afternoon.”

“God,” Theo said, the ache in his voice echoing my own.

Realizing I never really answered his question, I continued. “They’d decided to hire a private investigator to get ready for the adoption process. They wanted to be prepared in case I had some distant family member they had to worry about. Instead, they’d found out about how my mother had been killed and that they’d never caught my dad.” Theo’s body went alert at that, but I just shook my head. “The cops were sure he’d fled the country. There was never any activity on any of his accounts after that day. If he’s not dead, he’s in the wind with no clue about me.”

Theo’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t say anything.

“Anyway, once that was out, there was no getting it back. There were foster family support groups and old school message boards online. Every time a family would start the adoption process, they’d inevitably find out about the way my mom had been killed. It’d been… messy. They’d get scared, and I’d be out the door with all my worldly belongings shoved intooneplastic bag.” The hurt left my voice, emptiness replacing it. “It wasn’t about the stuff. I stopped even trying on the clothes or playing with the toys. I was quiet and polite, trying my hardest. But I didn’t have any real hope. I wasalonewith no sense ofhope.”

I tried to read Theo’s expression, but couldn’t. I was glad. If he pitied me, I didn’t want to see it.

---