Page 101 of The Bad Mother's Diary

They ended up buying half the shop.

Mum bought neon tea towels, a doormat with pink feet on it, hooks shaped like dogs wagging their tails and a load of meatballs for the freezer.

Dad bought drawer tidies, Tupperware and plastic boxes for all his screws.

Mum’s added meatballs to the pub specials menu.

Tuesday September 29th

Mum and Dad have spent all day trying to put together the IKEA wardrobe.

It’s the first time I’ve heard Dad swear in years.

Mum was storming around the place shouting, ‘If I ever see another Allen key, I’m going to shove it up someone’s arse.’

She’s taken meatballs off the pub menu.

Wednesday September 30th

Daisy has started waking up again at night.

I know I should try and ignore her and teach her to settle herself.

But it’s like there are two people in my head, arguing with each other. And the one shouting SHE COULD BE HUNGRY! always wins.

Thursday October 1st

Daisy slept for twelve hours straight!

I woke up at five, worrying that she’d died.

Then I spent the next two hours going back and forth, checking her breathing.

She woke up at seven, all happy and well rested.

I was red-eyed and irritable, just like always.

Saturday October 3rd

Mum and Callum’s birthday today.

Everyone says it’s a coincidence that they were born on the same day, but I think God knows they’re kindred spirits.

Mum celebrated by buying a giant trampoline for the pub garden.

It’s the size of a swimming pool and takes Callum a full minute to bounce from one side to the other.

I’m a bit worried Callum might break a limb. I read somewhere that trampolines cause lots of childhood accidents these days. And Callum is one of those kids who leaps first and looks later.

I bought Mum a yard of Cadbury’s Whole Nut as her birthday present.

I used to buy her expensive bath products and lovely things for the home. But she always gives them straight to charity.

Chocolate is the only thing I can guarantee she’ll be delighted by every time.

Gave Callum school things – pencil case, pencils etc. But he looked a bit disappointed, so I think next year I’ll buy him a violent computer game.

Sunday October 4th

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