Page 115 of The Bad Mother's Diary

We went to his MG and he turned up all the heaters and felt my fingers.

He said, ‘You’re freezing. Don’t your parents heat that pub?’

Which actually they don’t most of the time. Dad is very conservative with things like heating. And Mum doesn’t feel the cold because of all the Chicago Town pizza she eats.

Alex said he’d been thinking about me. And about last night.

I felt all nervous then. In the pit of my stomach. I felt like he was about to give me the Dear Juliette speech.

I said, ‘Shall we go for a drive then?’

He gave me that quirky smile of his and said, ‘Unless you’d prefer to take the bus?’

I said, ‘I wouldn’t mind. I like the bus.’

Alex said, ‘Christ – how can you? It’s soslow.’

The storm had cleared up by then and the stars were out.

Alex drove us through the village, past the maypole green and all the boutique cottage shops.

A few teenagers were on ladders putting up Christmas decorations – the usual flashing tinsel bells and stars. They’d already strung fairy lights around the church tower.

Alex drove us up the farm track by Bluebell Woods. He parked the car up right by the stream – the one we used to play in as kids. By the rope swing.

He said, ‘Whenever I see that rope swing I think of you. Do you know that?’

I asked, ‘Since when?’

And he said, ‘Since always.’

My heart was beating so fast.

Alex was watching me so intensely. I could hear him breathing, and I could hear my own breathing too – really fast, like butterfly wings.

And then Alex kissed me again, one hand in my hair and the other on my cheek.

We kissed for a long time.

And then he rolled down the car seat so I tipped back. He was on top of me after that, kissing me so fiercely I could hardly breathe.

He stripped off my clothes. And his clothes too.

And I remember him stroking my hair and kissing my eyelids, my lips, my neck … everywhere.

Before I knew what was happening, he was inside me. Staring into my eyes.

All those times with Nick – they were nothing. Nothing at all.

With Alex, it was like floating around the clouds.

Afterwards we just lay there for the longest time, gazing at each other.

Then I started worrying about Daisy and said I should get back.

Alex helped me get dressed. He asked me if I was okay. If I was comfortable.

That sort of broke the magic and I felt a bit awkward.

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