Page 116 of The Bad Mother's Diary

I tried to break the ice by joking, ‘We couldn’t have donethaton the bus.’

Alex said, ‘Christ, what’s happening to me? I’m usually so in control.’

I didn’t know what to say to that. So I didn’t say anything.

Alex started the car.

We drove for a few minutes in silence, and then Alex said, ‘You know, this car means a lot to me.’

I said, ‘Is that why you hate public transport so much? Because you’re in love with this car?’

It was meant to be another joke, but Alex said, ‘I do love this car.’

I said, ‘It’s just a thing. How can you love a thing?’

He said, ‘I bought it when I turned over my first million. Without trampling over people. Without underpaying the staff. Without blackmailing the competition. I proved that I wasn’t my father. So it means something to me. About what I am and what I’m not. And it’snotbloody flashy.’

I said, ‘Well it is abitflashy. I mean, you’re the only person in the village who has one.’

He said, ‘It would be a bit hard for anyone else to have a car like this. It’s one of a kind.’

When Alex dropped me at the pub he said, ‘Wrap up warm in there. No more cold hands.’

I sort of lingered for a few seconds. Wanting to kiss him goodbye or something. But then Mum shouted, ‘That SODDING wastepipe is blocked again.’ So I just said, ‘Bye.’ And ran inside.

Saturday November 7th

Afternoon

Helen just called asking if we could arrange for Nick to see Daisy.

Told her I had to go, because Alex Dalton would probably be calling for me soon.

Bit childish I know. But wanted to let her know I’m not sitting around waiting for Nick.

Evening

Have now come crashing down to reality.

Alex hasn’t called. Or showed up for running.

I’ve been watching the news to see if a Dalton hotel has been hit by a hurricane. Or similar disaster that would mean Alex leaving the country in a hurry.

But nothing.

Feel pretty low and stupid and humiliated.

When a man doesn’t call after sex, it’s because he isn’t interested. End of story.

Feel like such an idiot for getting it SO wrong. Again.

Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Sunday November 8th

Remembrance Sunday

---