Page 117 of The Bad Mother's Diary

No call from Alex.

Yesterday could have had some weird, random explanation (sudden death of relative, embarrassing diarrhoea virus). But two days in a row …

Feel angry, in a way.

I mean, all that talk about rope swings. Doesn’t he know how vulnerable I am? I’ve just been dumped by my fiancé – it’s pretty shitty of him to sleep with me if he’s just going to disappear.

Sad day all round really.

Woke up to find Dad at the kitchen table with Granddad’s medals and photos. He was wearing a poppy in his buttonhole and looking teary.

I asked if he was missing Granddad.

He said, ‘More than words.’

He talked about the photos, which were all of Granddad in the Second World War. Granddad was one of the few soldiers who enjoyed it. He liked the camping and fresh air. And he always was a big fan of tinned meat.

Monday November 9th

Afternoon

Nick called today.

He asked if he could see Daisy, adding, ‘Jules, can we talk? Things aren’t going well with Sadie.’

I should have told him to go fuck himself, but all this stuff with Alex has messed with my head.

Nick ended up coming to the Oakley Arms. Which means he must have been pretty desperate to get away from Sadie. He hates Mum and Dad’s pub.

We sat in the saloon bar with all the regulars staring at us.

Nick pointed at the big wooden penis on the Christmas tree and said, ‘Your mum’s taste doesn’t change. Fucking hell, this pubstilldoesn’t serve Peroni?’

Luckily, none of the family were serving. If Brandi had been behind the bar, she would have smashed a pint glass over his head.

Nick looked bloody awful actually. Pale. Sad.

He said, ‘I want you back, Jules. Please come back to me.’

I said, ‘But you’re living with Sadie. She’s very pregnant.’

He said, ‘It doesn’t work – two actors together with only one bathroom. She spends hours in there. Hours. And she’s always on at me about flushing the toilet. Anyway, I’m not one hundred percent sure the baby’s mine.’

He said Sadie had slept with a director around about the time she got pregnant.

I told him it sounded like he and Sadie deserved each other.

He said, ‘Christ, I’m not that bad am I?’

It was too dark for Nick to take Daisy out (he arrived two hours late because he couldn’t work out the Sunday train timetable), so he ended up playing with her in the pub. He threw her up in the air and said, ‘Say Nick! Say Dadda!’

When he left, I thanked my lucky stars for how things turned out.

Spending time with Alex has done me a favour really. It’s made me see there are better men out there than Nick. Even if those better men aren’t interested in an actual serious relationship with me.

Evening

Have spent the last half hour watching the window for signs of Alex or his car.

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