Page 14 of The Bad Mother's Diary

And then there’s all the scrapbooks we made of Daisy’s first bath, first Christmas, first fingernail cut, etc.

Nick’s as bad as I am – he makes a new scrapbook practically every day. And he’s always coming home with huge toys.

Friday January 23rd

Helen has got me worried about our changing table.

She says it’s ‘dangerously high’.

I told her she was being paranoid. But now I look at it, it is a very long way off the ground.

Daisy is always strapped down. But when I’m changing her, I do a mad rush to the sink shouting, ‘DON’T MOVE DAISY, DON’T MOVE!’

I suppose it’s unlikely she could unclip the strap. But what if she’s an early developer? I mean – not likely in our family. Still … it’s a worry.

Saturday January 24th

Nick has another job up north next week, so I’m staying with Mum and Dad again.

I SO wish we could move back to Great Oakley. But it’s too far from Nick’s work. Anyway, everyone around here laughs at him for wearing his sunglasses indoors.

On the train to Great Oakley, I got a text message from Helen.

She always writes her text messages like letters:

Dear Juliette,

Nicholas tells me you’re in the village this week, so thought we should meet up re: wedding flowers. You should ONLY go to Perfect Petals nr Dalton Road. The owner and I are old friends and she’ll be very offended if I go elsewhere.

Regards,

Helen Jolly-Piggott

When Nick first told me his mum’s surname, I thought he was joking.

Then he got all cross and I realised he wasn’t joking at all.

He said the Jolly-Piggott name was very famous in the right circles.

I told him I didn’t move in the right circles.

He said, ‘That’s what I love about you. You don’t pretend to be something you’re not.’

Nick’s surname is Jolly-Piggott too, but he goes by his stage name – Spencer – after his dad. Henry Piggott is his stepdad.

When we get married, Helen wants us to carry on the family name.

So we’ll be Nick and Juliette Jolly-Piggott.

I texted Helen back:

Dear Helen,

I cannot be bothered to flower shop today because Daisy has pooed all over the sofa.

Regards,

Juliette

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