Page 140 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Nick gave me his dazzling Nick smile – the kind of smile he used in the old days. When we first got together. He said, ‘Look, listen. Are we really going to do all this legal stuff? Solicitors and all of that? I want you back, Julesy. I want my family back.’

He said that if it went to court, he’d be financially ‘well out of pocket’.

The trouble with being an actor, he explained, is that it comes with loads of expenses people don’t realise. Like buying drinks in swanky places. And nice clothes.

Nick said, ‘How about we put all that legal shit on hold? Then we can figure out when you’re going to move back in. Maybe you should be the one to break the news to Sadie. She gets pretty violent with me …’

He grinned at Daisy and said, ‘What do you think, Daisy boo? You think that’s a good idea? Mummy and Daddy together again? Good idea? Yes?’

He took my hand, held it to his chest and said, ‘Didn’t you love me once?’

I said yes. But not anymore. And I meant it.

Daisy’s little hand reached out and grabbed my finger.

She gave me the sweetest, loveliest little smile.

I thought,What am I doing here? With this idiot?

So I told Nick that this was a mistake. That I shouldn’t have come. And that from now on, if he wanted to speak to me, he needed to do it through my solicitor.

Nick didn’t answer. Just scowled at his drink.

I would have made a dignified, strong-woman exit. Except on the way out, Daisy grabbed some woman’s beige cashmere coat and rubbed her nose back and forth on the lining.

When I got outside, it was snowing. Really heavily. Big, fat snow flakes tumbled from the sky by the bucketload.

The privet hedges and black railings around Soho Square had turned white, snow twirled in the sky under bright yellow Christmas lights and London looked like a magical scene from Harry Potter.

For a moment, my head was full of poetic words about the majestic soft, swirling flakes.

Then I tried to push the stroller and started swearing.

‘Bloody, fucking … these wheels … come on! Stupid pushchair!’

It took me a full ten minutes to get to the top of the street.

Then I saw Sadie.

She must have been on her way to see Nick.

It was one of those horrible moments where we both saw each other at exactly the same time, so neither of us could do anything other than keep walking forward.

Except I wasn’t really walking. I was doing a sort of ‘shove, lift, shove, lift’ thing with the stroller in the snow.

Sadie looked awful. Pasty skin, spotty and pudgy looking. She definitely didn’t have the pregnancy glow anymore.

The smock maternity coat she wore was all bobbled around the stomach. Her hair was limp and thin. And she was lumbering along in Ugg boots, knees turned out. I’ve never seen her in flat shoes before. She’s got quite short legs really.

Sadie pretended to see something across the street and did a little waddling detour.

She really is a terrible actress. Very unbelievable. No wonder she only gets parts by sleeping with directors.

By the time I got to the train station, the snow was a blizzard.

I was covered. So was the stroller.

I was so worried about Daisy getting cold.

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