Page 149 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Althea yelled, ‘Twenty pounds!’

Doug said, ‘Aladybidding. Well, all in a good cause I suppose. Nick? Care to raise your bid?’

Nick said, ‘Twenty-one pounds.’

The wanker.

Then Brandi shouted, ‘Fifty pounds!’

Doug looked a bit confused then. He said, ‘I’m not sure the girls should …’ But then he took one look at Brandi’s face and said, ‘Um … yes, well I suppose. Ah … all in a good cause. Nick?’

Nick said, ‘Sixty pounds then.’

Doug said, ‘Nick Spencer bids sixty pounds for his lovely Juliette!’

I saw Brandi feeling around in her silver skinny jeans and heard Althea muttering about the ‘ludicrous’ price of drinks.

Then Laura shouted, ‘I have sixty-three pounds and twenty pence.’

Everyone laughed.

Nick said, ‘Oh okay, fine. A hundred pounds. I bid one hundred pounds.’

Doug said, ‘Well ladies and gentlemen, Juliette and Nick have a baby together. So this is a lovely turnaround. I have one hundred pounds for Juliette. Going once.’

My cheeks were getting redder and redder.

‘Going twice.’

Then Alex’s voice boomed across the room, ‘I bid my car.’

There was a stunned silence.

Doug said, ‘Mr Dalton? Did you … are you making a bid? Could you say that again?’

Alex said, ‘My car. My 1960s MG. I bid my car for Juliette.’

The room was totally still.

Doug said, ‘Alex Dalton is offering his very beautiful vintage MG for Juliette Duffy. Are you quite sure about this sir? You’re not having us on?’

Alex said, ‘I’m not having you on.’

Doug said, ‘Nick? Uh … can you match that bid?’

Alex said, ‘No he can’t.’

There was laughter.

Doug said, ‘Well then. I suppose … so … Juliette Duffy. Sold to Alex Dalton. For one mint condition 1960s MG.’

Doug banged his hammer.

I stood with a silly smile on my face.

Alex strode up on stage. He threw his car keys at Doug, took my hand and said, ‘You know I hate these auctions, don’t you? Only for you would I do this. Only for you.’

Then he led me down the stage and through the crowd.

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