Page 30 of The Bad Mother's Diary

OMG – nearly had a heart attack.

Daisy has just retched and retched until nothing more would come up.

Was so close to phoning an ambulance. Phoned NHS direct instead, and they told me off for giving Daisy semi-raw egg.

I phoned Althea and she said, ‘Oh yes, Wolfgang threw up too.’

I said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

She said it only lasted the first couple of days. Then he was fine. Although he hates eggs now.

Wednesday March 4th

Tried baby rice.

Daisy loved it.

Thursday March 5th

Worst night’s sleep ever. I think the baby rice gave Daisy wind. Or something. She was up every two hours and just would not settle.

Poor little lamb.

I thought when babies had food things got easier.

Friday March 6th

Mum, Helen and I visited the village church today to get ‘ideas’ for the wedding.

Mum was very good. She only said, ‘Oh be quiet, Helen’ once. And she didn’t say a bad word about Nick. In fact, when Helen was inspecting the prayer cushions, Mum told me she wished Nick and I every happiness.

‘I’m always proud of you,’ she told me. ‘No matter what.’ She got all teary and told me she had the best daughter anyone could ever wish for. And that she’d always dreamed of me marrying in the village church.

I got teary too and we stood with our arms around each other, looking at the altar. Then Helen interrupted to tell us she wasveryconcerned, because one of the prayer cushions had ‘an unidentifiable brown stain’.

Monday March 9th

Helen has got us a ‘present’ – a cleaner called Juan.

He’s coming once a week to ‘help out’.

It’s Helen’s way of saying I don’t clean the flat properly, but I really don’t care what she thinks.

Juan works part-time as a masseuse, which means his hands are very strong.

After he’d cleaned this morning, the kitchen tap was loose and the oven clock was hanging off by its wires.

He also likes to fan things out. Takeaway leaflets. Remote controls. My sanitary towels on top of the toilet.

It’s weird having staff. I’m just not cut out for it. I spend the whole time apologising. ‘Sorry it’s not very tidy. Sorry I’m in the way. Sorry Daisy keeps trying to climb on the vacuum cleaner …’

Tuesday March 10th

Met Althea at Great Oakley library today for Little Tiddles Story Time.

Wolfgang kept trying to grab the storybook from the librarian.

The librarian laughed at first. Then it turned into a bit of a struggle.

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