Page 34 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Alex said, ‘I do plenty for charity already’, and walked out.

There were a few mutters about ‘money not buying good manners’.

A few giggling girls were volunteered by their dates, and Zach walked Laura right up to the stage.

Brandi, of course, shot up without anyone having to ask.

I tried to sneak off, but Duncan was too quick for me.

He shouted, ‘JULIETTE DUFFY! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?’

I said I didn’t want to do the auction this year because Nick couldn’t make it.

But he wouldn’t take pity on me. Instead, he got the whole room to chant ‘Juliette! Juliette!’

So up I went.

I was wearing my big summer maternity dress with winter tights, and my feet were too swollen for high heels so I’d settled on brown boots that were atinybit muddy.

My cheeks were bright red, my curly hair was giant and orange-tinted – all in all I felt like I was worth less than a fiver. Quite a bit less.

Plus, I ended up standing next to beautiful Kate Thompson, who plays professional tennis.

As usual, loads of men bid on Laura. And as usual, she looked genuinely surprised.

Zach cut out the competition pretty quickly by bidding £1000. He said, ‘But she’s worth a lot more!’ And got a round of applause.

Brandi didn’t do badly either. Thorn bid against some guy Brandi had a one-night stand with. She ended up raising a highly respectable three hundred and fifty pounds.

When it was my turn, Duncan put a sweaty hand around my shoulder and said, ‘Now Juliette may not quite be in the first bloom of youth. And furthermore, she’s engaged to be married. But there’s life in the old girl yet. Am I right, fellas?’

Then he asked how long before I’d be a decent married woman.

‘Soon!’ I said, forcing a silly grin on my face.

In the end, I got three pity bids from some old men.

God, I’m lucky to have Nick. I really am.

Monday March 23rd

Helen came round early today.

We were still in bed when she called.

Nick pulled a pillow over his head and pretended to be asleep, so I had to talk to her.

Helen said, ‘Jul-iette. How was the Dalton’s party, darling? I couldn’t go – I had a work thing.’

I knew something was wrong then. She never calls me darling.

She fixed me with those manic blue eyes of hers and told me she’d heard something ‘disconcerting’ about the auction. That Zachary Dalton had bid on Laura.

I said, ‘What?’

She said, ‘Pardon’, and closed her eyes like she had a headache.

Then she grilled me about Laura and Zach – whether they were an item, how serious things were.

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