Page 40 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Bill said, ‘What appointment?’

Penelope hissed, ‘The appointment!’ in a way that sounded like a fire extinguisher going off.

When we left, Helen grabbed my arm and said, ‘I will never, EVER live this down. Do not tell ANYONE about this lunch. Ever.’

Got home, phoned Mum and told her about the lunch.

She laughed for ten minutes without stopping.

Then she got Dad, Laura and Brandi on conference call and told them the story.

They laughed for ten minutes without stopping.

Then Mum ran downstairs and told everyone in the pub.

Monday March 30th

Daisy fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon. I didn’t dare move her into the stroller – she gets all upset if she’s woken. So I was stuck indoors and couldn’t get out to do the shopping.

I asked Nick to pick up some food on the way home. He bought:

A four-pack of continental lager

A large bag of double-fried sour cream crisps

A Spanish meat platter

When I asked Nick about food for Daisy, he looked at me blankly.

‘Crisps and smoked meat are too salty for her,’ I explained.

He said he wasn’t a ‘bloody baby nutritionist’ and had no idea what food she needed.

Then he sat on the sofa, ate all the crisps and the meat platter and drank a continental lager while bouncing Daisy on his knee.

Helen was lingering in the kitchen, pretending to work on her laptop.

She muttered, ‘Nicholas shouldn’t have to do the shopping. He works hard enough as it is.’

Ha!

All Nick’s done today is meet a friend for lunch.

I told Helen it wasn’t the 1950s and Nick should pull his weight. And anyway, Daisy had kept me under house arrest all day, so I couldn’t make the shops.

Helen said, ‘Well, that proves my point once again about routine, doesn’t it? You let that baby rule this house.’

I said, ‘No Helen –yourule this house. And you don’t even live here.’

Right now, I’m past caring about falling out with her. She still hasn’t forgiven me for the Dearheart lunch.

God – WE NEED TO MOVE!

Tuesday March 31st

Miracle of miracles, Sadie turned up for training today.

She was wearing a designer running outfit with go-faster stripes and colour-co-ordinated sunglasses.

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