Page 51 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Am going to sleep on the living room sofa and do controlled crying.

Ten minutes at a time, they say. I can manage ten minutes of crying. It’s just ten minutes.

2.05am

God, she sounds REALLY hungry. Maybe she’s having a growth spurt? Or maybe she’s thrown up her milk.

Oh my God, WHAT IF SHE’S THROWN UP AND IS CHOKING?

This level of crying just can’t be normal. There must be something really badly wrong.

I’m going in.

2.25am

The adorable little con artist.

As soon as I opened the door, Daisy was all smiles.

I gave her a cuddle, but she would not go back to sleep so I ended up giving her milk.

3am

She’s awake AGAIN!!! She can’t be hungry now – I only fed her half an hour ago! PLEASE STOP CRYING!

Please God help her sleep.

Please, please, please.

3.10am

Just realised why God lets famines and earthquakes happen. It’s because he’s distracted by millions of mothers begging for their baby to sleep.

3.30am

Gave in and let Daisy have more milk. She fell straight to sleep.

Tuesday April 28th

SOOO tired.

Wednesday April 29th

Alex called round to train, but I told him I really can’t run this marathon.

Daisy woke up four times last night. The last time she just cried and WOULD NOT stop.

I tried feeding her and walking her around. Then I played my Bangin’ Club Hits album because sometimes that calms her down.

It worked. Eventually. But it took a few hours.

In the end, I got three hours sleep. It’s not enough.

I can’t train for a race. I just can’t. I need to plan a wedding and move house and care for a sleepless baby.

I let Alex up to the apartment, expecting a big, angry lecture. But he just looked disappointed – which felt even worse.

He gave me a stoic hug, kissed me on the head and told me to take care. Then he asked if there was anyone around to look after me this evening. I assured him Nick would be home soon.

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