Page 57 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Brandi twiddled her neon-pink bra strap and said, ‘What’s wrong with a bit of colour?’

Sunday May 17th

After all this hard work I’ve PUT ON A POUND!!

Ugh.

Laura pointed out that I’ve lost a quarter of an inch around my waist and thighs, and I know that should cheer me up. But it doesn’t.

Laura said, ‘What would you prefer – a flatter tummy or numbers on the scale that no one sees but you?’

The stupid truth is I’d prefer numbers on a scale.

Told Laura in a sad voice that I’d never wear a midriff top again.

Laura said, ‘But you never did wear midriff tops.’

True. But I’d like the option …

Tuesday May 19th

Decided to try the Atkins diet today.

Had a plain omelette for breakfast with vegetables and lots and lots of oil.

It was alright.

But by lunchtime I was absolutely crawling the walls with hunger. I so did NOT want bacon or eggs or butter.

And then I made the mistake of going round Mum and Dad’s house so Mum could help me do the last of the wedding invites.

The fridge was full of old takeaways – egg-fried rice, sweet and sour prawn balls, slices of Domino’s pizza.

Decided I’d switch to calorie counting instead. But I have no idea how many calories were in that omelette this morning. So I’ll have to start again tomorrow.

Ate egg-fried rice, sweet and sour prawn balls and the last few slices of Domino’s pizza.

Wednesday May 20th

Started stupid, boring calorie counting diet. Now my head is full of numbers.

Who’d have thought a tube of Pringles would have so many calories?

Friday May 22nd

Weighed myself today, thinking all that calorie counting has probably shifted … ooo I don’t know, at least seven pounds.

But no. I have lost absolutely no weight at all. If dieting doesn’t work, what hope is there for me?

Phoned Laura.

She said that muscle weighs more than fat and I shouldn’t weigh myself until I’ve dieted for at least a week anyway. That made me feel better.

Phoned Brandi and she said, ‘That muscle and fat thing is a load of bollocks. Google it.’

I googled it and she was right. Muscle and fat weigh the same.

I asked Brandi if I looked any thinner to her. And she said, ‘Youcouldlook thinner if you let me straighten your hair. It’s not a good idea to have curly hair with a round face like yours.’

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