Page 63 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Monday June 15th

Oh diary. Diary, diary, diary. I have never known pain like this.

I will never get over this. Never, ever, ever.

Wednesday June 17th

Laura told me it was sunny today, but who cares?

Spent all day in bed with the curtains drawn.

Daisy cries, smiles and sleeps just like always. Like nothing has changed.

She doesn’t understand our whole world has just been ripped apart.

Thursday June 18th

Stayed in my bedroom with Daisy again today, sobbing.

Mum bought me a McDonald’s breakfast.

She said, ‘Get some food down you and then we’ll go out.’

But the thought of food made me feel sick. And the thought of going out anywhere – even sicker.

Mum told me she’d punch Nick’s lights out if I wanted her to.

I said, ‘What’s the point? It won’t change anything.’

Mum said, ‘It might make you feel better.’

I said, ‘Nothing will make me feel better right now.’

Mum said, ‘You’ll feel better one day love. I promise.’ Then she bounced Daisy on her knee and said, ‘No matter what you’re going through, if you’ve got kids you’ve won the lottery.’

Friday June 19th

Text message from Althea today:

‘The greatest pain brings the greatest growth. The universe is looking down on you and smiling, because it knows this is all part of a greater plan. Life is beautiful and so are you.’

Saturday June 20th

Brandi came storming into my bedroom this morning and ripped the curtains open.

She said, ‘You’ve done enough wallowing. Daisy needs some sunshine. So do you. It’s time to get up and show up. Never give up.’

She forced me to get dressed, then we went out for a walk.

We stuck to places where no one could see my haggard, cried-out face. I never knew I had so many tears in me. They still keep coming.

If I didn’t have Daisy, I don’t know what I’d do. She is my only light right now.

When I moaned to Brandi about having nowhere to live, she said, ‘Don’t be stupid. You’ll live at the pub with Mum, Dad, Callum and me.’

Oh God. A single mum. Living with my parents and my teen-pregnancy sister.

Brandi still has her youth.

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