Page 65 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Laura sent Brandi to the corner shop for cans of Red Bull, and then we quickly did my make-up all nice and natural.

I put the wedding dress on … I mean, it never made me feel ‘wow’ or anything. But it was pretty. A little bit of a tent, but pretty.

Mum kept making me drink Red Bull for my nerves. But I didn’t feel nervous. I didn’t feel anything. Just sort of flat.

I kept telling Daisy, ‘It’s my wedding day. My WEDDING day. Me and Daddy are getting married.’

But nothing.

Even in the black Mercedes (Helen insisted on that car – I wanted to go in Brandi’s pink Kia) I didn’t feel anything.

I was squashed in there with my bridesmaids (except Althea – there wasn’t room for her and Wolfgang) thinking, ‘This is it. I really am getting married.’

But it still didn’t feel real.

Sadie kept fidgeting and saying she felt sick. Which was just typical Sadie – she hates the attention being on anyone else.

We were a bit late getting to the church.

I didn’t feel worried or anything. Just … excited. Ready to get the job done.

Laura and Brandi helped me fluff out my wedding dress, and Sadie paced around with her hand on her stomach.

Then Sadie grabbed my hand and said, ‘Jules. I need to talk to you. RIGHT NOW.’

I said, ‘Sadie, are you okay?’

She said, ‘I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!’

It was all so weird.

I said, ‘Look – let’s get the wedding out of the way. Okay?’

Sadie did this sort of big gulp and said, ‘You shouldn’t marry Nick.’

I went a bit bridezilla then. I think it was all the Red Bull.

I said, ‘Sadie, I know you hate Nick. But he’s Daisy’s dad and I love him and WE’RE GETTING MARRIED. Now get out of the way.’

I started walking down the aisle and I saw Nick ahead.

He turned around and I thought, ‘Wow, he looks really hung over.’

He was sweating. Proper, proper sweating, on his forehead and down the front of his shirt.

But he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Sadie.

I carried on walking, sort of on automatic pilot. I even think I might have been smiling.

Everyone in the church had weird looks on their faces. Maybe they’d heard Sadie saying she needed to talk to me. Or maybe they all knew what was going on.

When I got to Nick he smiled. But it was a scared smile. And he kept glancing at Sadie.

I could see Helen in the front row – huge navy hat on – sort of glaring and smiling at the same time.

The vicar cleared his throat and said some stuff I can’t remember.

I kept thinking,What’s going on?Nick looks weird. He keeps looking at Sadie …

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