Page 7 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Daisy still awake! Desperately looking for sleep apps on my phone.

11.30pm

Found an app that makes hairdryer noises. Seems to have done the trick. Daisy asleep. My turn now, thank goodness.

Thursday January 8th

3am

Daisy just woke up!

Nick was sound asleep, so I phoned Mum in sleep-deprived tears.

Mum said, ‘The Duffy family have never been good sleepers. Remember Brandi? She used to suicide dive out of the cot.’

I broke down, sobbing, ‘Why doesn’t she have an off switch? Why are there no answers?’

Mum said, ‘Feeling confused is what motherhood is all about.’

Then I remembered the iPhone app that makes hairdryer noises.

I shouted, ‘I need my phone, Mum. I can’t find it! I’ve lost my phone!’

Mum pointed out that I was holding my phone.

I am so sleep-deprived!

Then Dad came on the line and suggested I put cinnamon in Daisy’s milk.

I sobbed that I didn’t have any sodding cinnamon.

Mum said she’d drive over with some. Then she remembered she’d lost the car keys.

While she was looking for them (and arguing with dad), Daisy fell asleep.

SO tired.

4am

Can’t sleep! Keep thinking that Daisy will wake up any minute.

5am

Still can’t sleep.

6am

Daisy just woke up.

Thank God for Nick – he’s giving her milk and singing ‘Food Glorious Food’fromOliver!

Friday January 9th

Needed to research good-value (cheap) buffet food for the wedding, so Mum stopped by to help with Daisy this morning.

Helen would have gone mad if she’d seen me checking the Aldi, Lidl and Iceland websites. She wants Nick and I to have a three-course wedding breakfast in some fancy hotel. But a wedding is about love, not frills.

Anyway, once the reception gets going, I’m sure Helen will be as glad of a sausage roll as anyone.

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