Page 74 of The Bad Mother's Diary

I said, ‘Cheeseburger Happy Meal with carrot sticks please.’

He said, ‘So fries, yeah?’

I said, ‘No. Carrot sticksinsteadof fries.’

He said, ‘Carrotsticks?’ Like I’d asked for grilled lobster.

Callum said, ‘No Aunty Julesy, I want fries.’

The server said, ‘So fries, yeah?’

I said, ‘NO. Carrot sticks.’

The Happy Meal came with fries.

While we were eating, Callum said, ‘Do you hate Uncle Nick?’

I said, ‘I don’t hate him. I just feel very, very sad when I think about him.’

Callum said, ‘Mummy says Uncle Nick is a right busted.’

I said, ‘Yes Callum. Uncle Nickisa right busted. But he’s still Daisy’s dad.’

Callum said, ‘I never see my dad. And I don’t care. Daisy won’t care either.’

Sometimes Callum is wise beyond his years. Maybe it comes of having a mum who’s still a baby herself.

Friday July 24th

Got a handwritten letter from Nick.

Unusual for him. He prefers computers. His handwriting looked like he’d used a pen made of brambles.

At first I wondered why he hadn’t texted or called. But then I remembered I’d blocked his number.

The letter said,

Juliette,

Baby. I know I’ve fucked up. The DNA test – so not my idea.

I miss my little Daisy boo. Is she saying daddy yet? Does she still look like me?

Can I see my little girl? Pretty please? I know I’ve been an arsehole but I’m still her dad.

Can we talk?

Nick.

He’d put a big flourishy signature under his name, like when he signs his autograph on theatre programmes.

I couldn’t stop crying.

I’ve read and re-read the letter all day.

I still can’t forgive Nick, but ... maybe I’m being too harsh … maybe we really can make a go of things. For Daisy’s sake. We’re supposed to be a family.

Saturday July 25th

---