Page 77 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Poor Daisy. Poor, poor Daisy.

Sunday August 2nd

Desperate to find out more about Sadie and Nick, but nothing on Facebook. Just the usual daily selfies from both of them.

I keep checking Sadie’s relationship status.

She’s single. Like Nick.

Maybe they’re notactuallyliving together. Maybe she just came round to see him that one day. And threw her stuff everywhere …

Tuesday August 4th

Brandi’s birthday.

Her favourite present was a T-shirt from Mum. It was skintight, bright pink and said, ‘I’m a Mum, not a Nun’.

I used three different pots of glitter to make Brandi’s birthday card.

Brandi said, ‘What’s that big sparkly splodge on the front?’

I said, ‘Your niece’s handprint.’

She said, ‘My niece? Who’s my niece?’

I said, ‘Daisyis your niece.’

She nodded slowly, like it was all suddenly making sense.

Then she said, ‘So is DaisyCallum’sniece too?’

No wonder she failed all her exams at school.

Wednesday August 5th

The health visitor came round today.

She was a big, busty clucky lady called Pam Fairy who had a lot of strong opinions about the right and wrong way to look after babies.

I could tell Mum was itching to disagree with her. Having ‘got through’ three kids of her own, Mum can’t stand it when anyone else has opinions.

Pam pulled her notes out and asked lots of questions about my sudden change of address.

Then she said, ‘You had a nice arrangement, didn’t you? Fancy apartment in London. Daisy’s father on hand. Any chance of a Mummy-Daddy reunion?’

I said, ‘I don’t think so.’

Mum added helpfully, ‘He slept with her best friend, Mrs Fairy. They broke up on her wedding day.’

Then Pam said, ‘Oh,you’rethe Great Oakley Runaway Bride!’ And looked all pleased, like she’d met a celebrity. Then she remembered herself and started asking about Daisy’s diet.

Mum told Pam that Daisy loved Cheesy Wotsits.

Pam went all serious and asked about vegetables.

Mum said, ‘She likes potato smiley faces. And tomato ketchup.’

She didn’t bother to mention all the organic vegetables I puree!

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