Page 80 of The Bad Mother's Diary

He put on his reading glasses, got out his household expenses notebook and crossed out ‘Sky TV’ with his Spitfire Ale pencil.

Mum shouted at him to fuck off.

Then a big argument blew up about what was important and what wasn’t.

It got really nasty when Mum threatened to sell Dad’sLord of the Ringsfigurines.

I told them no one needed to sell anything.

Dad said I’d always be his little girl and he’d sell the clothes off his back if he had to.

I cried even more then.

In the end, Mum and Dad insisted on transferring money into my bank account.

I promised to pay them back, but they said, ‘You just worry about Daisy.’

Althea’s right.

I should remember to count my blessings.

I have the best family in the world.

Monday August 17th

Althea has signed me up for ‘Sing and Splash’ at the posh sports club just outside the village.

It starts on Wednesday.

I found out this morning, when Althea face-timed me at 6.15am.

She said, ‘Come on Jules! Embrace the day. Get your bra on. Wipe all that crap out of your eyes. We’re hitting Oxford Street to buy you a swimming costume.’

Then she waved a leaflet in front of her phone.

It said:

Sing and Splash

Help your little ones with their social and cognitive development.

Shallow water – low risk of drowning.

Althea said, ‘I know, I know. It’s all a little bit establishment. But fuck it – the kids will love it.’

When I told Althea about all the bank account stuff, she waved her turquoise-ringed fingers at the camera and said, ‘Don’t be stupid. I’ll pay.’

I tried to argue, but there’s no point arguing with Althea. She’s like a steamroller.

So off we went into London.

Althea banned me from Topshop, New Look or River Island.

She said, ‘You’re a mum now. You need padding and wire.’

So we went around old lady shops like Marks and Spencer and Laura Ashley.

The ones that sell clothes for women who don’t have sex anymore.

---