Page 89 of The Bad Mother's Diary

They said ‘gorgeous’ Zachary is rumoured to have a ‘mystery’ girlfriend.

It was hysterical when they found out the ‘mystery’ girl was our sister.

They wanted to see photos of Laura, like she was a celebrity or something. And they all said she was ‘rather lovely’.

I asked if they knew Alex, and they all said how gorgeous he was too.

When the girls left, Brandi said, ‘You always fancied posh Alex, didn’t you? Shame you didn’t go for him instead of Nick.’

I told her I hardly had a choice. Alex runs a major hotel dynasty. I’m not heiress material.

Brandi said, ‘Well, he’s always staring at you.’

I said, ‘What, Alex Dalton? I don’t think so.’

But just for a moment, thinking about the lift home from the sports club and the running training and the champagne at afternoon tea, I thought … maybe.

Wednesday August 26th

Brandi is dating someone she met on Facebook called ‘Spider’.

She can only meet him at his house because he has an electronic curfew tag on his leg.

Dad asked why she couldn’t find a nice man like ‘Laura’s Zachary’.

Brandi said, ‘BLURG! Vomit city! Those two are soooo soppy. Ohyougo first Laura. No,youZachary.’

Mum said it would be lovely if Laura and Zach got married.

Brandi told her to ‘get real’. She said, ‘Zach knows Prince Harry and walks like he’s being held up by string. He’s very nice but he’s from posh land. There’s no way he’d marry Laura.’

Mum roared about Laura being drop-dead gorgeousandhaving a university degree.

She said, ‘Theysocould get married.’

Brandi said, ‘If you believe in fairy tales.’

Thursday August 27th

Had the BEST idea today. String! I tied a piece of string to the stroller, and then sat on the sofa and pulled it back and forth.

Brilliant!

Got to watch all ofDownton Abbeywhile Daisy slept. Why didn’t I think of this before?

Friday August 28th

Daisy has got wise to the string. She cries and tries to eat it.

Bugger.

Saturday August 29th

Real Ale Festival at the pub this weekend.

Dad spent all morning lugging ale barrels around, while Mum drank half pints from each of them.

After lunch, I picked up Nana Joan. She loves the Real Ale Festival.

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