Page 90 of The Bad Mother's Diary

I set her up in the shade with a pint of cloudy cider and Daisy on her lap. But she wanted to be nearer the band.

So Dad showed Daisy how well his raspberries are growing, while Nana sat by the stage stamping her feet.

When I took Nana home she was a tiny bit worse for wear, but happy. I had to help her into bed and got covered in sparkles from her party dress.

Sunday August 30th

The pub is PACKED.

The whole village is downstairs, drinking ales with funny names like Rat’s Piss and Bishop’s Foreskin.

Mum tried every one of the thirty on offer. Then she got all shouty and called the vicar a ‘massive fucking hypocrite’ for drinking on a Sunday.

The vicar started swearing back, and Dad had to intervene. After years of running a pub, he’s good at calming people down. Even the vicar, who has major anger management issues.

Monday August 31st

Summer Bank Holiday

Mum claimed she wouldn’t drink any ale today.

Then Dad put out a new barrel out called ‘Morning Sparkle’ and she said, ‘Oh go on, I’ll try it then.’ And had a big tankard full with her cornflakes.

I’ve lost six pounds!

It must be the running. Because it’s certainly not my diet.

Not after a weekend of beer and sausages.

Tuesday September 1st

Nick came over today to see Daisy.

It was pretty awkward.

He was supposed to come at 1pm, but didn’t turn up until 3pm.

He’d been rowing with Sadie, apparently. She’s being ‘pregnant and mental’, to use Nick’s words, and wasn’t happy about him seeing Daisy.

Nick spent twenty minutes chucking Daisy into the air and saying, ‘Say Dadda! Say Dadda!’ But then Daisy got tired and started grizzling. He panicked and asked what was wrong with her.

I said she was just tired.

He said, ‘How do youknowthings like that?’ As if I was some magic oracle.

Then he gave me his puppy-dog eyes and said, ‘I miss this, you know. You fix things.’

I remained all aloof and snooty and asked when he’d be coming to see his daughter again.

Nick did his guilty head-scratching thing and said he couldn’t commit because of ‘Sadie’s hormones’. But he’d be in touch soon.

Wednesday September 2nd

Daisy’s birthday in a few days.

My maternity pay has been successfully transferred to my new bank account, so I can finally pay my way now.

Also, found a stash of department store vouchers so bought Daisy some bits and pieces.

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