Page 93 of The Bad Mother's Diary

Wheat is the reason I weigh so much! It’s been bloating me and stopped me digesting properly.

Decided to go wheat-free until the holiday.

Althea’s going to do it with me. She says she’s known for a long time about how damaging wheat can be for the digestive tract. ‘Not to mention the fuckingplanet.’

Had a vegetable omelette for breakfast. No toast with it.

Mum was cooking chocolate croissants, but I stayed strong.

11am

It’s amazing how many foods have wheat in them. Even that squeezy yellow mustard.

7pm

Had a wheat frenzy.

Ate a Warburton’s thick-slice cheese sandwich, two packets of Iced Jems (feel bad about that because they’re for Callum’s packed lunch), a Findus crispy pancake and a bowl of super noodles.

I’ve decided that denial isn’t the way forward. As soon as you can’t have something, you want loads of it.

Phoned Althea and she’s decided the same thing. She’d just eaten a cream-cheese bagel and a packet of chocolate bourbons.

Flying to Dubai TOMORROW!

Can’t find my new swimming costume.

Thursday September 17th

Great trip.

Bit of a shame it was Ramadan and all the restaurants were closed.

Lucky Mum bought enough Pringles and Toblerone from duty-free to see us through.

Spent a lot of time on the beach, being sprayed with Evian water. That was nice.

Daisy ate a lot of sand. She loved playing in the shallows, giggling and slapping water with her hands.

Wish I’d found my swimming costume before the trip though.

The hotel shop only sold ‘birkinis’ – those things for Muslim women that cover your legs and arms.

I had to borrow one of Brandi’s costumes – a sheeny silver G-string bikini that cut big grooves into my hips and back.

We did manage a trip to the old town, but it got too much – everyone staring at Mum and Brandi in their bikini tops and denim cut-offs.

I tried to tell them about the modest Muslim culture, but neither of them were prepared to risk their suntan (meaning sunburn) by covering up.

Zach flew out for a day to see Laura!

Awwwww …

Friday September 18th

Unpacking.

It’s taking quite a long time.

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