Page 94 of The Bad Mother's Diary

I shouldn’t have packed so much stuff for Daisy – I hardly used any of it. Those baby goggles were a waste of time. And she didn’t touch any of the water learning toys, rubber beach books or the water baby walker.

Saturday September 19th

Just saw Nick with Sadie in Great Oakley.

Feel violated, like they’ve broken some unspoken pact.

Great Oakley is MY place. They should stay in London.

They were having lunch with Helen and holding hands over the table.

It’s bad enough knowing they’re living together in London. But to have them flaunting their relationship on my own doorstep …

They were even brazen enough to be on the patio outside, where everyone walks past. It’s like they wanted to be seen.

I know they saw me, because they suddenly got really interested in their salads.

I walked past, head held high.

Dignity, dignity, dignity.

Then I saw Nick’s car parked across the street and squirted one of Daisy’s apple and banana pouches all over the windscreen.

Ha ha ha!

Sunday September 20th

Lost four more pounds!

Whoop whoop!

I can never get my head around weight loss. It seems to me the weeks I’m really good, I don’t lose much weight at all. And when I let the apron strings loose … poof! It all comes falling off.

Laura reckons it’s the running.

And she’s probably right – it can’t be what I’m eating.

After I saw Nick and Sadie at the restaurant, Mum and I shared a box of Milk Tray, then ordered Domino’s pizza.

I’ve been doing crazy over-thinking since I saw them.

I suppose deep down I’ve always expected Nick and Sadie to split up.

But what if they stay together? What if he’s a proper father to her baby and not to Daisy?

Helen must be over the moon. For all Sadie’s faults, she comes from the ‘right background’. She knows about cutlery. And sitting up straight. And I doubt she’d ever let a dog get hold of a shitty nappy.

Monday September 21st

Morning

Little Callum started school today. I can’t believe it. He looked so grown up in his uniform.

He’s had a few settling in sessions,, but this is his first full day.

Brandi held it together, but I had tears in my eyes. It’s true – they grow up so fast.

Somehow, Callum managed to vandalise his uniform before he’d even gotten to the school gate.

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