Page 1 of Love or Your Money Back

PROLOGUE

A good brand can be summed up in three words.

Apple is unique, innovative and cool.

Coca-Cola is fun, refreshing and classic.

Freddy Stark is rich, charming and ruthless.

As a marketing expert, Freddy believes in brand consistency. Which is why he strides into the shabby offices of Little Voice Publishing totally on brand. There is a charming smile on his face, a limited-edition Rolex on his wrist and a list of staff redundancies in his pocket.

‘Good morning, Little Voice Publishing.’ Freddy slaps tanned hands on the round meeting table. He assumes the table is round for ‘inclusivity’ reasons. What a waste of time. Human beings are like monkeys. They need to know who their leader is, or they start throwing shit at each other.

Freddy analyses the tired-looking bunch of misfits before him, naming them as his eyes progress around the table.

Baldy fat computer nerd

Mad cat lady

The oldest gay in the village and …

He slides his hands into suit pockets.

Hello there.

Freddy’s gaze settles on the young woman at the end of the table. She’s interesting, with her ‘If I be waspish, best beware my sting’ t-shirt and hair that looks like she’s rubbed it with balloons. Something about her eyes – a sort of fiery intelligence. She also looks like she wants to kill him, which is fun.

‘So, for those of you who don’t know.’ Freddy poses like a luxury watch model, one hand in his fitted-suit pocket, the other running a thumb over exactly one centimetre of brown stubble. ‘I am Freddy Stark, the new owner of T&C Media. I am a marketing guru and rebrand king. I take low-profit companies, evaluate, rebrand and market them to make them successful. I can market anything. And I am here to turn Little Voice into a much bigger voice.’

Freddy likes the words ‘guru’ and ‘king’. They are listed on his Wikipedia entry, along with an extremely handsome photo of him looking like Tom Hardy. So they must be true. He waits for a round of applause. Surprisingly, he doesn’t get one. The interesting woman catches Freddy’s eye again – perhaps due to the sheer fury on her face.

‘Excuse me.’ The woman stands, pulling her black, woollen cardigan around herself. ‘I’m Kat Friedman, CEO of Little Voice. I don’t know why we haven’t been introduced yet, but you don’t need to change anything around here. We made half a million pounds last year.’

‘Turnover or profit?’

Kat looks cagey. ‘Turnover. But the point is, we’re in the black with ten-thousand pounds in the bank and doing just fine. We donate thousands of books to schools. And we might have enough for a new coffee machine this year –’

Freddy makes a sound. Somewhere between a snort and a cough. Ten thousand pounds barely covers the cut-flower bill at his New York office.

‘Listen.’ Freddy throws Kat a charming smile. ‘You’re doing great work here with your worthy little books that no one reads. The nation salutes you for your services to literature and all of that. Literature is great. It gives us access to a lot of legal loopholes and tax-reducing strategies. But I’m here to make a profit. Profit means millions. Don’t you want to make more money?’ His eyes drop to Kat’s dangerously trade-mark-infringing supermarket running shoes. ‘Think of all the pretty high heels you could buy.’

There’s a collective intake of breath.

‘Mr Stark.’ Kat crosses her arms. ‘Little Voice is a small, independent publisher. Our job isn’t to make money. It’s to win awards.’

‘Well, that changes right now.’ Freddy claps his hands, making a very satisfying, manly noise. ‘I have a few restructurings to make before we get onto the fun stuff. Anyone I let go will have a great remuneration package, a good reference –’

‘What are you talking about?’ Kat shouts. ‘You can’t lay off my staff.’

Despite himself, Freddy smiles. ‘I beg your pardon? Your staff?’

‘Yes, these are my staff.’ Kat gestures around the table. ‘My team. And don’t even think about raising your hand to cut me off.’

‘I wasn’t going to –’

‘Because the last person who did that ended up with oolong tea all over him.’

‘Kat.’ Freddy gives another charming smile, brown eyes twinkling. ‘Can I call you Kat?’

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