Page 13 of Love or Your Money Back

‘People said it would be impossible for me to launch a publishing company while I was still at university,’ I say. ‘So I’ll tell you what I told them. Impossible is a state of mind.’

‘That’s right, Kat.’ A familiar voice rumbles somewhere behind me. ‘Nothing’s impossible with good marketing.’

CHAPTER8

Freddy isn’t entirely sure why he approached the ‘top table’. He sees the words ‘top table’ in speech marks because there is nothing ‘top’ about an industrial cable spool covered with forest-floor crap. The bride and groom are pretty lacklustre too.

Anyway, something about Chris’s superior expression and the pain in Kat’s eyes prompted Freddy’s Armani-shoed swagger across the clearing.

‘Marketing makes everything possible.’ Freddy offers Kat, Chris and Minola a bright-white smile. ‘Tell your story powerfully enough and it comes true. Take this wedding, for example.’ He gestures to the clearing. ‘It’s on free public land – the sort of cheap and cheerful place you might use for a children’s party. But someone had the vision to tell a different story and save thousands of pounds in the process. Bravo.’

‘Can I help you with something?’ Chris sits up straighter on his plastic chair. Freddy correctly deduces that Chris always tries to look taller when there’s a tall man around.

‘Allow me to introduce myself.’ Freddy grabs Chris’s hand and shakes it. ‘I’m Freddy Stark. Owner of Salt Marketing and T&C Media. Congratulations Chris. Here’s to many months of happy marriage.’

Minola looks startled and arranges cobwebby hair around her shoulders. ‘Months? Don’t you mean years?’

‘Absolutely not. You two won’t make it past the summer.’ Freddy still has a firm hold of Chris’s hand. ‘You embarrassed Kat earlier, Chris. With that announcement of yours. You won’t do that again, will you?’

‘I didn’t embarrass her.’ Chris pulls his hand free and rubs his knuckles. ‘It’s not my fault she got drunk on champagne and fell over.’

‘That cheap, fizzing crap wasn’t champagne,’ says Freddy. ‘And you owe Kat an apology.’

‘Look, I’m sorry, okay?’ Chris’s voice turns to a squeak. ‘But you have to admit, it did sound pretty stupid, Kat saying she’d get married this year.’

‘It’s not stupid,’ says Freddy. ‘All Kat needs is a marketing expert in her corner.’

‘A marketing expert?’ Chris snorts. ‘She needs a miracle.’

‘I’ve been called that before.’ Freddy raises a playful eyebrow. ‘And marriage is no different to any other story. It’s all about packaging, placement and promotion.’

‘Marriage isn’t a story,’ says Minola. ‘It’s about a soul connection. True love.’

‘Love was invented by marketers,’ says Freddy. ‘It’s just brain chemicals and hormones, used to sell diamond rings. All relationships are transactional. Take your new husband here. He’s marrying you because you’re too young and stupid to see him for what he is. And you’re marrying him because he tells you exactly what you want to hear.’

Chris stands. ‘Now listen, mate –’

Freddy cuts him off with a hand raise and turns to me. ‘Kat, I can help you get married this year. If that’s what you want. You’ll have the world’s best marketer in your corner. Every branding resource you can think of. And in return, all you have to do is let me make changes to Little Voice.’

Kat stares at Freddy. Then she grabs his arm and pulls him away from the top table.

‘Getting married within nine months?’ she whispers, eyes darting back to Chris. ‘Are you crazy? I only said that stuff out of bravado –’

‘Most geniuses have been called crazy,’ says Freddy. ‘As long as you agree to be practical, I can help you settle down. Legally.’

‘Practical.’ Kat considers this. Then her face lights up most gloriously and unexpectedly. ‘You’reright. If I’m practical … and stop worrying about finding true love …

‘I didn’t mention love –’

‘Exactly.’ Kat gives a curt shake of her head. ‘Chris was the love of my life. You never get over your first love. But it’s so liberating. Now Chris is married off, I can be practical. I can look for a nice man who’ll make a good father. Thisreallyopens up my options.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t quite say –’

‘What am I hanging around here for?’ Kat looks over Freddy’s shoulder. ‘Aunty Sylvia says weddings are great places to meet husbands. I need to put myself out there. Wish me luck.’

‘Kat, wait. I do think you could use my help –’

‘Marriage help from a marketing guru?’ Kat shakes her head. ‘No thank you. I’ll be just fine on my own.’

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