Page 68 of Love or Your Money Back

‘Well, we’d live together, wouldn’t we?’ I said. ‘Surely that’s a major benefit of marriage? To live together with someone?’

Ahmet nodded and said, ‘Yes, of course.’

But still. The comment unnerved me.

‘Is this because of my illness?’ I asked. ‘You don’t want to live somewhere full of old lady devices, like the special clip-on handle that holds my toothbrush when my hands shake?’

Ahmet looked horrified and said not atall. ‘I’ve never objected to your condition. If anything, it’s one of the most impressive things about you. The fact you get on with it and never complain. It shows you’re able to handle adversity. But there are just all sorts of ways of being together with someone. We have a practical meeting of the minds, don’t we? A true partnership. We don’t have to get silly and romantic and do everything society tells us. We can make it work the way we want. With good old-fashioned logic.’

‘But if we live apart, I won’t have a heroic husband to carry me upstairs when my MS is bad,’ I said. Then I immediately felt guilty and pathetic, like I was asking Ahmet to be my carer. So I added, ‘Never mind. I’ll just get a stairlift.’ And smiled, whilst feeling sad and empty inside.

I’m guessing Ahmet is a little scared of sharing his life with someone, after being a bachelor for so long. I’m scared too.

By the way, you are wrong about cutting out sugar and chocolate to ‘benefit’ my MS. Being in a bad mood all day isterriblefor MS. But I have to say, the vitamins are having an amazing effect. I haven’t had a headache or face pains for weeks.

Monday August 22nd

A big thing happened last night.

Ahmet and I nearly slept together. We were having dinner at his house, and he asked me, in a very shy, awkward voice, if I wanted to stay overnight. It was very sweet, but I said no for practical reasons. No toothbrush, etc.

Ahmet quickly dropped the matter and offered me dessert (an excellent homemade Rum Baba with Chantilly cream). Still, it got me thinking. Should we sleep together before we’re engaged? I’m uncertain where exclusivity ends and intimacy begins.

I wish you would answer your phone, Freddy – I’ve been calling you all day. Surely you can’t bethatbusy.

At this rate, I won’t see you until Frankfurt and I really would like advice before then. Do I wait until Ahmet drops the question before I drop my underwear? That seems incredibly old-fashioned, but I don’t want to mess up our promotional strategy.

HELP PLEASE!

Sunday August 28th

Freddy, ANSWER YOUR PHONE!

Last night, Chris came over. He had armloads of presents and a big envelope of cash. About two thousand pounds. He said the money was back-dated rent and only the beginning.

I asked Chris if he’d started taking drugs or dealing drugs (for the cash) or both, but he said no. He’d seen the error of his ways, sold the camper van and was reanalysing his financial priorities. Then he said he should have married me instead of Minola.

I shouted at him to go back to his wife and try harder.

‘I’ve tried,’ Chris insisted. ‘God knows I’ve tried. I’ve sat with Minola through every Disney movie known to man. And sung ‘A Whole New World’ on countless occasions. But I can only take so much. She’s a child.’

‘So are you,’ I said. ‘Your mother still books your haircuts and dental appointments.’

‘Not anymore,’ said Chris. ‘I’m growing up, Kitty Kat. I’m changing. I’ve got a job. A real nine-to-five job. Well, 4 pm to midnight. I’m an usher at Soho Theatre. No more uncertainty. I’m bringing in real money every month. Paying tax and everything. I want to be worthy of you. I want my first love back.’

Chris and I sat on my doorstep until quite late, talking. About good times and bad times and mistakes we’ve both made. It made me realise there is still a spark. That’s why we got together in the first place. Don’t worry – I told him we were just friends now and sent him home.

Onwards and upwards.

I just wish I had that same spark with Ahmet.

Saturday 10th September

Nothing to report this week. Ahmet is away on business. Chris hasn’t returned, so I have to assume things are working out with Minola and I’m happy about that. Genuinely.

Monday 19th September

Guess what, Freddy? You won’t guess, so I’ll tell you.

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