Page 77 of Love or Your Money Back

The barman raises an arched eyebrow towards a receding, blond hairline and a cowboy hat. ‘If I am to take that sentence literally, it means you will leave if I serve you a tequila cocktail.’

Freddy is impressed. ‘You speak English better than I do.’

‘Yes, that is probably true.’ The barman pours Fortaleza tequila into a golden shaker. ‘By the way, you can’t sit there.’

‘Where?’ Freddy looks around.

‘There. At the end of the bar. You must move to the middle of the bar. We don’t let people sit apart from others and drink alone. It looks too much like alcoholism.’

‘I’m not an alcoholic,’ says Freddy. ‘I’m a confused man in love, wanting to talk through my troubles with a sober member of staff. Surely, I’m your stock in trade?’

The barman laughs and places a full-to-the-brim martini glass by Freddy’s elbow. ‘Yes, I suppose that is true. Well, since the bar is empty, tell me your troubles.’

‘I already did. I’m in love.’

‘That doesn’t sound like a trouble.’

‘It’s the biggest, scariest trouble there is. Especially because the woman I’m in love with is marrying someone else. Someone I set her up with.’

Dimly, Freddy realises the barman is, in fact, wearing quadruple denim because his cowboy boots have denim panels.

‘I don’t understand why you would set up someone you love with another person,’ says the barman. ‘But I’m sure you will clarify.’

Freddy acknowledges with a nod that this is reasonable. ‘I set her upbeforeI realised I was in love with her.’

‘Does she like the person you set her up with?’

‘Yeah, in a lukewarm sort of way. I mean, Ahmet is a decent, loyal person. He’ll be a good husband. But he doesn’t love her the way I do.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Just a feeling.’

‘Well, maybe he will fall in love with her the way you do. Sometimes, love takes time.’

‘Yeah. Maybe.’

‘How does this woman feel about you?’

‘She loves me too. She just can’t admit it to herself.’ The moment Freddy says the words out loud, he knows it’s true. He gives a short, delighted laugh. ‘She loves me too!’

‘So what are you doing here, then?’ the barman asks. ‘Sounds like the two of you should be together.’

‘You’re right.’ Freddy stands. ‘What the hell am I doing here, dulling my capabilities with alcohol when I should be telling the woman I love how I feel? I’ll go tell her right now.’

‘That sounds like an excellent plan.’

‘Thank you.’ Freddy throws twenty euros on the bar. ‘You can drink my cocktail. You’re the wisest man I ever met. Do you know that? Despite your quadruple denim fiasco.’

‘IthinkI want to say thank you.’

When Freddy strolls back into the hotel suite, he feels like he’s come home. Kat’s laptop sits on the coffee table, perfectly aligned with the table edge and a decorative fruit bowl. The fruit bowl, if Freddy isn’t very much mistaken, has now been rearranged by colour and size order. There is a small box of Tetley teabags on the marble kitchen counter and a travel-sized sachet of Alpen cereal, also perfectly parallel to their surroundings. In fact, the whole room has now been arranged at parallels and right angles.

Now Freddy has worked out what’s bothering him it feels soright, being in this space with Kat and her things.

‘Kat?’ He hangs his coat on the coat stand. ‘Are you here, darling? I was hoping we could talk.’

There’s a scuffling sound in Kat’s room, and it occurs to Freddy that Kat might be stuck under hot water bottles again, alone and in pain. The thought sends a shot of adrenalin through his body.

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